Page 48 of Worth the Ruin
“I’m ok, J. I promise you, I’m alright. Maybe even…” I shake myself, refusing to say the wordhappy. Maybe I had been, or at least getting close to it, but that was before.
“Oh my god,” Jonah breathes, a smile tugging his lips upward and transforming him from handsome to downright gorgeous. Jonah smiles with his whole self somehow, like it comes from deep within his soul and lights up every inch of him.
“What?” I ask, confused. “What’s that shit-eating grin about?”
“You’re falling for him.”
“What??That’swhat you got from that? That’s not?—”
“Oh I know what you’re saying,” he says, cutting me off with a look that says I’m an idiot. He keeps his voice low as he continues, “I had my suspicions based on what Wynn was passing to us about you being ok, that fondness in his voice. I figured you weren’t being tortured if he was buddying up to you and I can tell he’s a good dude and wasn’t just bullshitting.” He quirks a brow, looking smug. “And he wasn’t the only one assuring me that you were alright.”
I frown. “Huh?”
“Doc Hastings told me that he has very reliable sources within FOS and promised me that you were alright, that things aren’t necessarily what we think. That…FOS is a safe place. He gave me that look that told me it needed to remain between us, but you know how good Doc’s instincts are with people. He knew within five minutes of meeting that Caitlin bitch that she wasbad news, and then next thing we know, she’s stealing and trying to kill Marcus. So, whoever his contacts are at FOS, he trusts them, and I trust Doc.” He shrugs easily.
I blink, trying to figure out who Doc might know at FOS, and how he knows the truth, and why he would risk it—and Traeger’s potential wrath—for sharing that knowledge with Jonah. I shake my head, deciding to think about that later.
“Plus, I’m a genius,” Jonah adds. He grins and waggles his eyebrows and I roll my eyes. “But I stand by my initial response:you’re falling for him.”
I narrow my eyes at him. This is the one time I curse the fact that he knows me better than I know myself.
“Wynn is a great guy but no, he’s just a friend.”
Jonah snorts and ignores me. “God, I can’t believe it. I’ve been hoping for this for years…”
“Oh fuck off, Cothren.”
He chuckles. “Go ahead and deny it but I think I’m right and I thinkthat’swhy you’re so pissed right now and blaming him with your whole fucking chest, Mel. You’re looking for an excuse to cut and run because things were heading somewhere serious and your emotionally damaged self didn’t know what to do with that.”
“Myemotionally damaged self?” I repeat slowly, mouth gaping. I refuse to even acknowledge anything else he’s said because itmighthave the tiniest kernel of truth tucked in there somewhere.
“I love you, but you are so emotionally damaged, babe. Rightfully so, of course,” he adds, still smiling, “but damaged all the same.” After a moment he says softer, the grin fading a bit, “You’re scared of losing anyone else.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. He’s…maybe in the neighborhood of having me dead to fucking rights, like he always is, but I’m not about to admit it. I’m sticking to my guns.Jonah had almost been killed and it was Traeger’s fault. End of discussion. Whatever had been happening between us was squashed now. I wrap my heart with the anger and fear, imagine heating it and forging it into impenetrable steel.
It’s done.
“Let’s not talk about it anymore right now,” he says, letting me off easy. “Hell, I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to see you again, so let’s just be us for a bit, alright? I’ve missed the hell out of you, Mel.” His eyes shine and mine water again.
“I’ve missed the hell out of you too. Even if you are kind of an ass.”
He huffs out a laugh and then winces. I stiffen, reaching forward to try to do something. What, I have no idea, but I feel like I should do something to help. He waves me off.
“I’m fine, just sore. It’s going to take time to heal. You know the drill—how many ribs have you broken by now? Seven? Nine?”
“We’ll split the difference and call it eight,” I say with a shrug. I know he’s right: it’s just going to take time, but he’s ok. He’s really and truly alright. I didn’t lose him. I let the knowledge chase away some of the deadly cold from my veins.He’s ok.
He smiles and I settle back into the cushions, playing with the hole in his sweatpants.
“Alright then, tell me everything that I’ve missed. Did Kelly ever tell Jack about Randy?”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
TRAEGER
Things with Melody are fucked.I understand—somewhat—but at the same time, I want to put my fists through the walls in frustration. We’d been so close,so fucking close. But the minute Wynn delivered the news about Jonah, the minute I saw that look in her eyes, I knew any hope of it becoming what I wanted it so fucking desperately to become was gone. An ember snuffed out before it had time to grow into the fire it was meant to be. She blames me. She blames me because she wasn’t there with him, to protect him. In her eyes, it’s my fault that he was hurt and that’s not something she can forgive.
I think there’s more to it than that, but I’ll keep my wishful thinking to myself for now.
