Page 63 of A Song to Drown Rivers
His fingers curled around it. He nodded once, understanding in his eyes.
When I returned through the gates, Xiaomin was laughing at something the guard had said. Her face was radiant, brighter than all the stars and the moon, her head tossed back, her giggles escaping through the spaces between her fingers. And he was there,watching her with such comfortable intimacy I wanted to turn away. The two were blinding in their shared joy.
“Tomorrow,” she was saying to him, shy and eager. “The usual spot?”
His face split into a grin so wide she might have just promised him the whole world. “Always.”
It felt as though someone had reached into my chest and yanked at my heart, made my old illness new again. I clutched at the front of my robes, waited for the worst of the pain to pass before walking up to Xiaomin, my face serene as that of a raised lotus flower. She immediately came to my side, but I could tell she did not want to leave him.
I’d never wanted to leave either.
I knew Wu Zixu would rise to the bait—it was only a matter of when.
I was in the king’s bedchambers that night, lounging on his desk while he pretended to work. He pressed the royal seal down on document after document, the ink bleeding red, barely looking before moving from one thing to another, his movements impatient. The only sounds that could be heard were the thin rustling of paper and an owl hooting outside. To his credit, Fuchai had been focused when I first came in—his head down, his expression stern, the slightest crease between his dark brows, the bright lamplight clarifying his sharp profile. For a moment, I couldn’t help hiding behind one of the carved rosewood pillars, just to study him in silence. It was rare to see him like that: proper, working hard. There was no malice or mockery to his features as he ground the ink and dipped his brush into the shallow pot.
Then I had stepped out, with my just-brushed hair and perfumed skin, and all that was forgotten.
“Am I distracting you, Your Majesty?” I asked now, adjusting my legs so they dangled just off the corner of his desk, my chin propped up on one hand. With my other hand, I combed my fingers slowly through his dark hair.
He stamped the seal down twice in the same spot, missed the next document completely, and said, “No, not at all.”
I smiled. “Are you sure? I’d hate to keep you from something important…”
“Stay,” he insisted. “I’m almost done here.”
I sighed and continued stroking his hair, my motions lazy, all while I secretly read his documents with utmost care. There were military reports, with statistics on everything from the weapons supply to the number of soldiers and steeds available. I memorized the numbers, repeating them to myself inside my head. When Fuchai lifted his gaze, I shifted my attention to him. “Your hair is so soft,” I said, tugging gently at a black, wavy lock. I knew it was what he liked.
Just as I expected, his breathing hitched, his eyes turned dark and almost drunk.
“What do you suppose people would say, seeing me treat the king this way?” I teased. “They must think me terribly impudent.”
“Well, there’s nobody around.”
“You raise a good point,” I said slyly. From outside, I sensed movement. Footsteps. The unmistakable silhouette of Wu Zixu was outlined against the thin windows, drawing closer and closer toward us. But Fuchai hadn’t noticed yet. “We’re all alone.”
He faltered briefly, then understood. He swept the papers aside, the royal seal and brushes all clattering to the floor, and turned me around so I was gazing down at him from his desk. He stood, leaning in to kiss me—
I turned away on purpose.Just a little longer now.The footsteps were getting louder.
“Wait. Let me look at you first,” I said, cupping his face. Every single time, it struck me anew how handsome he was. It seemed wrong; he ought to have the face of a beast, some malevolent creature, with blood-red eyes and deadly fangs. But instead his skin was smooth and clean-shaven and burning under my touch, his lips soft and parted. I wrestled down the uncomfortable emotion that reared its head inside me. No, I refused to be guilty. I had come too far already, lost too much.
And Zixu was here.
“My king,” I murmured, bringing my lips to his. There were just bare inches between us when the doors burst open with a loudthud.
Zixu stalked inside, his hands balled into fists. “Your Majesty—”
I let out a faint squeal and pulled away at once, putting up the perfect performance of surprise, but Fuchai was slower to untangle himself from me, his hand remaining on the small of my waist. His expression had changed from open anticipation to impatience. He looked ready to kill.
“If you aren’t here to tell me you’ve discovered the elixir of immortality, then I don’t want to hear it,” he said, his voice deadly soft, his eyes narrowed into knives. “Leave us.”
Zixu averted his gaze hastily, but didn’t retreat. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty. Please excuse this minister’s brazen behavior, but this is a matter of great importance—”
“Funny, that is how you lead every conversation,” Fuchai said dryly, straightening his robes and sitting back down behind his desk. I slid off too, stepping to the side with my head bent at a subservient angle. “The annual banquet, theseatingfor the annual banquet, the granaries, the construction of the new palace—even the purchase of new spoons for the royal kitchens. All supposedly deemed important.”
For a split second, Zixu’s eyes caught on me, deep distrust written all over his features. Then he bowed low to the king. Urgency bled through his tone. “This is different—this could determine the fate of the whole kingdom—”
“You should learn to relax more, Zixu,” Fuchai continued in a slow drawl, leaning back in his seat. From appearances only, he seemed to be playing the role of king well enough, but he wore the look he always did when he wanted desperately to kiss me, the lines of his body tense and hungry. The minister prostrated before him might as well have been a wall, any inconvenient obstacle. “Spend time with your concubines, so I can spend time with mine. They would thank you for it, I’m sure.”
