Page 67 of Our Vicious Descent
Another day, Elise might have laughed at the cat’s threatening presence. But tonight she had been drained of all her energy. Even sitting up, talking to someone she loved more than anything in this world, felt like too much. Elise looked down at her hands, her fingers twisting in patterned intervals of seven. No matter how distracting a conversation might have been, her mind was always elsewhere, working overtime to protect itself from her.
Moving closer, Layla reached a hand out to rest on Elise’s. Her fingers stopped immediately, and she looked up at Layla, seeing the remnants of a soft understanding in her eyes. Elise only hoped she looked as grateful as she felt.
“You were so good back on the ship. It was very impressive. You saved so many of us,” Layla said quietly.
Elise sniffed. Tears rose in her throat, and no matter how hard she fought to keep them back, they still spilled onto her cheeks. “You almost died.”
“But I didn’t,” Layla said firmly. She tried to wipe Elise’s tears, but Elise moved away and stood.
“I couldn’t save my mother. She’s gone, and Josi will grow up with one parent. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all this,” Elise whispered.
Layla followed her around the room, stepping in front of her to stop her obsessive pacing. “It’s not your fault. Karine is to blame.”
Elise shook her head. “No. I started this. Five years ago. When I told my father everything I promised I would keep as your secret.I made his fears worse, and I’ve been feeding them ever since. He ruined your life and ruined mine, and nothing has ever been the same.”
“This didn’t start with you. This whole situation is bigger than us.” Though Layla spoke calmly, Elise could hear the undertones of ire in her voice. Whether it was in response to the situation or bringing up her parents’ murder, Elise couldn’t be sure. But she regretted sharing this many of her thoughts anyway. That same little girl had been alone then, with no one to turn to for help wiping her tears and understanding her grief. It had all been too premature. Both of them had been too young to deal with anything like this. And now they remained stuck in the past in moments like these, when Elise could not stop remembering the pain and feeling it so clearly now that she thought she had gone back in time.
Elise dropped her head into hands and cried. Tears poured out of her while her heart cleaved in two in her chest. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Layla.”
She felt Layla’s arms around her and the frantic tension in her muscles while she cupped her cheeks and whispered, “I know,” into her ear over and over.
32
“How do you feel?” Layla asked.
The younger Saint girl nuzzled her face into Hendricks’s fur, her lips stretching into the biggest smile Layla had ever seen on her. “In love.”
Layla bit back a smile. The only thing keeping her from this particular joy was knowing how volatile both this cat and Josi could be. There was no way to tell how Josi’s cravings affected her; one scratch from this cat could send her into a rage that tore the cat apart in seconds. Holding the cat was a sort of impulse-control test of its own. Luckily, Hendricks appeared quite content in Josi’s arms. He leaned into her touch, squinting with satisfaction as he purred.
Layla nodded, though her heart stumbled through her own sadness. Childhood. It was a fleeting thing to begin with, but nearly impossible to retrieve once it had vanished. “So, when you feel Sena…does it come out of nowhere? Or do you know when it’s coming?”
“I feel…bad a lot of the time. Like my heart wants to beat out of my chest. I don’t know what to do with all these feelings. It’s like they just came on all of a sudden. When we were on the dock, that was the maddest she’s been in a while. I’m sorry I was rude to you. Sena was angry, and I think…it hurt me seeing my sister with someone else at first. But you’ve helped me, and I know you’re not bad,” Josi whispered.
Wonderful. Layla let out a long exhale. “Do you miss your old life too?”
The joy on Josi’s face fell into dark despair. “People look at me differently—including Elise. I don’t know if she loves me anymore. Not like she used to.”
Years of pent-up emotions seemed to spill into Layla at once, and her shoulders slumped. It was not too long ago that she had been dealing with the same feelings as this little girl. Experiencing them herself had been one thing, but to see someone much younger going through it now—Layla felt like her heart had been pierced. She willed her voice to be strong even though her body had gone tense with the effort to keep her true feelings at bay. “And what about your cravings and your hunger?”
Josi pouted. “I’m not hungry. I’m just sad.”
A wave of relief crashed over Layla. She sat up straighter, her shoulders relaxing. “Has there been anything that has made you feel even a little better?”
“The cat!” Josi cheered. Her smile returned, and no matter how much Layla hated that damn cat, she was glad for him if it meant Josi’s joy coming back to her.
Layla laughed. “Hendricks.”
“He doesn’t treat me like I’m different. He just wants pets.” Josi rubbed her hand over his head, and the cat let out a happy chirp.
Watching the younger Saint now, Layla felt the most hope she had in ages.
***
“Relax a bit. Unless you’re planning on shooting someone, there’s no need for all that tension,” Jamie demanded.
Elise could have told him she had never been able to relax a moment in her life, but instead, she settled on sighing and forcing her shoulders down. The rifle lowered in her hand, but she kept a steady eye on the entrance to the Saint compound. It being midday, the establishment was mostly quiet. But few passersby entered after whispered exchanges with the guarding gangsters who watched the door.
“Crazy idea, but why don’t you just let me go inside? I could actually see what they’re doing in there,” Jamie said.
