Page 39 of His Wicked Secret
“Audrey?” Jonathan was suddenly beside her, holding on to her, one arm curled around her waist to support her. She was grateful for that. She realized now she had been on the verge of collapse.
She sucked in a panicked breath, her legs buckling. “I can’t—”
“Sit.” He urged her down on the steps and leaned over her, cupping her face in his hands. “Focus on me, on my eyes. Breathe with me.” He made a show of drawing a breath and letting it out, and she did her best to mimic him. It took several such breaths before she finally felt in control again.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“No need to apologize. You had a shock. It happens.”
She closed her eyes, breathed slowly a few more times, and opened her eyes.
“He’s dead. Langley is dead.”
“Yes, I heard.”
“I do not believe he would have taken his own life. Not unless he’d been given no other choice.” Had it been one of the other lords in the club? She shuddered again, thinking about how she, Gillian, Jonathan, and James had all been close to a man whom fate had marked for death.
“It’s possible. He was a man who acted only out of self-interest.” Jonathan wrapped his thumbs over her cheeks, and the soothing touch calmed her. She stared at him, focusing on his clothes. His boots shone, and his claret-colored coat was well cut, showing his muscled form to his best advantage. Most of the men at the table had worn blue, which was customary for evenings like this, but Jonathan, like Charles and Lucien, was determined to stand apart from the crowd. Rogues, even when it came to their attire.
The thought made her smile. Jonathan smiled back.
“There’s the Audrey I know. What is it that’s amused you?”
“Your coat. It’s not a proper color for dinner.” His grin changed to a frown, but she continued. “But I rather like it. Blue would have enhanced your eyes, but this claret works wonderfully with your hair.” She touched his hair without thinking, running her fingers through the burnished gold strands. He eased down on the step beside her.
He shook his head. “Only you would think about the color of my clothing at a time like this.”
“And what would you be thinking about?” she demanded. Lord, this man could make her pricklier than her sister’s pineapples.
“This.” He dipped his head and brushed his lips over hers. The soft kiss felt like butterfly wings brushing against her skin. A dreamy haze rolled through her, and she reached for him, curling her arms around his body, clutching at him as she leaned in. He kissed her slowly, like a man savoring the very taste of her.
“Lord, you are sweet, like a ripe peach.”
“Not tart like a pineapple?” She giggled and was rewarded with another of his low, rich laughs. There was something enchanting about sharing her breath with this man between kisses. It was how she always longed for passion, how she hoped it would be for her and the man she would someday marry.
But Jonathan isn’t that man. He doesn’t truly want you. Only to play with you like a cat with his toy.
The melancholic thought cut through the joy that had been building inside her.
“Stay with me,” he said. “Whatever shadows I see in your eyes, don’t let them take you away from me.” He kissed her again, as though trying to breathe life into her.
“Why do you want me to stay?”
“Because…” Someone dropped a serving dish in the dining room, and the crash jolted them. He let go of her and surged to his feet, putting some distance between them. The moment passed, and he regained his composure. “We should return to dinner, or people will begin to talk.”
“About us?” she asked. Of course he didn’t want anyone to think they were together. That was the Jonathan she knew, the one who had turned his back on her.
“Yes.”
“And you would justhatethat, wouldn’t you?” She’d never known a person could make her feel so hollow, but he did. The feeling was unbearable, and it threatened to choke her.
“I would,” he said coldly. “I never want there to be any gossip about us. Ever.” His vehemence was so strong that it revolted her.
“You may return to dinner then. I will not.” She stood and walked off toward the library. Jonathan didn’t follow.
12
Audrey rejoined the ladies in the drawing room after dinner. She had to assure them all, especially Horatia, that she had merely been shocked at the news she’d heard. She was seated on the couch, watching the ladies catch up on their gossip. Usually she enjoyed being in the midst of those circles. They often laid the seeds for what would eventually turn into stories for her Lady Society column. But instead she was, for lack of a better word, moping.
