Page 58 of His Wicked Secret
“He shouldn’t have done that,” Horatia muttered. “He ruined your chances of finding a nice young man to settle down with.”
“Yes, he did.” Audrey wasn’t angry at Cedric for being overprotective, but she was frustrated.
“He meant well, however. Losing Mama and Papa was harder for him that it was for us.” Her sister settled back against the pillows and sighed.
Audrey curled up on the bed and leaned back against the pillows next to her sister. “How do you mean?”
“Men are not like us. They have trouble with emotions. They don’t handle grief and loss especially well. They also don’t understand how to express their love very well.”
“That much is true,” Audrey grumbled. “They express it never. All they seem to care about is lust.”
Her sister laughed again. “Oh, Audrey, it isn’t always about lust. We forget that men are entitled to their passions.”
“As are we.” She flushed at admitting this to her sister. “Yet I was chastened at every turn for my desires.” She remembered how furious Jonathan had been when he’d found her at the brothel attempting to learn carnal secrets. A quiet look of understanding passed between the sisters.
“A good man will want a wife with an open and passionate side.”
“Jonathan doesn’t,” she blurted out, then regretted it.
Her sister gave an impish smile. “Of course he does.”
Audrey tried to ignore the flicker of hope that rose in her chest. “What makes you think that?” Had Horatia heard something? Had Jonathan spoken to her, or perhaps to Lucien?
“Trust me on this, Audrey. I spent many years believing that Lucien despised me. It turned out what he felt was quite the opposite.”
“You thought he despised you? It was so obvious to the rest of us how he truly felt.”
“Yes, but he was closed off to me, sometimes even cruel in the way he ignored or dismissed me. But for him, it was about denying his feelings. He feared Cedric would be furious, and he also feared he wasn’t worthy of me.” She sighed, the sound so full of regret and hurt.
“Why would he think he wasn’t worthy? He is a marquess from a long and noble bloodline.”
“Not everything is about titles, land, or money.” Audrey didn’t miss her sister’s gentle admonishment. “He was worried about his past, of which Cedric was only too aware, that he was too much of a rogue, and that I would not trust him because of that. My point is that Jonathan may be hesitant because he doesn’t believe he’s enough for you. That may be why he is cold and distant.”
Audrey rubbed her temples with her fingers, feeling a slight headache pulse behind her eyes. “But heisenough.”
“Have you told him that?”
“No…” She hadn’t wanted to raise such a prickly issue, especially when she was convinced that he might not care about her the way she did him. Loving someone was frightening.
Audrey’s heart skipped a beat.
I love him.
The epiphany was frightening. She had known that she cared about him, that she liked him, but now she could feel love stirring inside her. It was new and vulnerable, like a fawn learning to stand, but given time, her love would grow strong.
“Audrey, what is it?” Horatia was staring at her, her lips pursed with worry.
Audrey almost moaned. “Something dreadful.”
“Audrey, you’re worrying me. What’s wrong?” Horatia demanded. At her sound of distress, Evan made a little sound from his cradle.
“I love him,” she whispered. “Ilovehim. But what if he doesn’t love me?”
Horatia’s smile reminded her of their mother again. “How could he not? He would be mad not to adore you.”
“What if there is someone else—”
“There isn’t.”
