Page 75 of His Wicked Secret
He found her at the end of the hall, her hands in white-knuckled fists, as though she expected to fight whoever approached.
My hellion, my heart’s desire, my only true dream.
“Jonathan?” She gasped his name, and before he could say anything she had thrown herself into his arms. He caught her, holding her close, knowing he would never feel this again, would never touch or kiss her or feel the heat of her body against his. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her lips. His lips said in kisses what his mouth could not say with words.
I love you…love you more than my last breath.
“Audrey,” he whispered as they broke apart.
“What are you doing here? I was worried when Avery spoke to that boy. He said something about soldiers, and I”
“Avery is downstairs, clearing everyone out. Gendarmes are on their way. You were betrayed. We are going to barricade the door and slow down the soldiers. It will buy you time.”
She clutched him, her eyes wide. “Time for what?” She knew what he was trying to tell her, but she didn’t want to admit it. But he couldn’t let her cling to the illusion that they would all survive this.
“We’re buying time for you to escape. Avery said you had your breeches with you. Put them on, hide your hair under a hat, and climb out the window once the soldiers are focused on us. Blend into the crowd. You can still get away.”
“The window…but…”
“You can do this, I know you can.” Jonathan gripped her shoulders. “If there was ever a woman I believed in, it is you.”
“But it won’t work! The boy told Avery they were looking for a man and awoman. I should stay with you.”
“I won’t have you throw your life away!” he growled. “Not when—” Inspiration struck. He knew how to give the soldiers a woman; it just wouldn’t be Audrey. “I have an idea for that, but first I have to get you out.”
She bit her bottom lip, tears welling in her eyes. “But if I leave you…” The last word barely came out as she choked down a sob. He struggled to calm himself before he spoke again.
“Most likely,” he said, admitting her unspoken fear. “But I’m willing to die for you. I havealwaysbeen willing to die for you.” He was filled with a sudden sense of clarity, and he wished he had more time to tell her everything that lay in his heart. “I know you think I never cared, that I never wanted you. But believe me now. I have wanted you more than anything else in this life and the next.” He brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheeks, wiping the tears away.
“Then why didn’t you ever tell me?” she demanded, her words hoarse.
“Because I never believed in myself. I never believed I deserved you. You were a brilliant shining light in the darkness, and I was a mere shadow. A former servant, a man with a clouded background, no title, no grand estate…”
She hauled back her fist and punched his shoulder. “That never mattered to me, you big oaf! Never!” She buried her face against his chest. “You stupid, foolish…wonderful man.”
He rubbed her back, his body fighting between fear, love, despair, and devotion for this woman. He wouldn’t say goodbye. That word would extinguish the last flicker of hope inside him, and he couldn’t afford to lose that.
He cupped her cheek and tried to keep his body from shaking. “Go now, while there’s still time. Hide at the port near the docks. Godric and the others are coming, but they won’t make it in time for me. Even if they did, they couldn’t stop the accusations of espionage. Make them take you home where you’re safe. Don’t let them die trying to save me.Promise methat.”
He saw the defiance in her lovely brown eyes, but she finally nodded.
“If I had tomorrow to be with you, if I had a thousand tomorrows, I would tell you then that I love you, even if you might never love me the same way.” He could barely swallow past the lump that had formed in his throat.
He turned away from her but paused when she replied.
“Then I would tell youtoday…how could Inotlove a man like you?” There was something in the way she said it, a promise that he didn’t yet understand. But there was no more time, no more chances to fix what lay between them. They were at the end of their journey.
He rushed back down the hall, not looking back, carrying the memory of her kiss and her words in her heart. It would be his only comfort in these final moments.
He began to open every door until he found the one he hoped to find. The one where the very tall woman had been staying with her husband. A long puce-colored dress with frilly lace hung over the edge of a changing screen. He stripped out of his overcoat and grabbed the dress, dragging it over his body. He did up the buttons, but it was bloody tight over his clothes.
“The things I do for love,” he muttered darkly. He was going to face a group of French soldiers dressed like a damned woman. If Godric and the others saw him like this… But if it saved Audrey, then it was worth it. He rushed back down the stairs to find the taproom empty. The mustering of men outside heralded the arrival of the gendarmes.
Avery had shoved the tables against the doors and windows, turning them on end to prevent anyone smashing the windows. He was moving another table against the first, hoping it would hold it closed. No sooner had it been put in place than the doors suddenly shook. A cacophony of French shouts to surrender and orders for men to surround the building filled Jonathan with terror. For a moment despair choked him.
Avery stared at him, blinking owlishly. “What the devil are you wearing?”
He suddenly remembered how he was dressed. “You said they were expecting a woman. Well, now they have one.”
