Page 63 of The Scoundrel of Drury Lane
“Was there anything about Australia that you didn’t mind?” Suzannah had been coaxing him to open up more about his life in the colonies. He had shared stories of hunger, beatings, harsh weather and even harsher masters, as well as his deep longing for home.
Kit was quiet a long while before he spoke. “When you come to a place that feels like it’s on the edge of a vast wilderness, it’s as though you stand on the edge of the known world and that one more step will send you careening into the dangerousunknown. But it’s there, at the edge of the world, that you see who you truly are and what you’re capable of. You can either fall to your knees and give up or you can throw back your head and cry out,‘I have earned my place between the stones of the earth and the light of the stars above.’”
She closed her eyes and imagined Kit doing that, shouting in defiance of the heavens. “I shall never know what that is like,” she sighed.
“Oh, but you do,” Kit said.
She opened her eyes and saw that he had turned to face her.
“Not all battles against the unknown are done in faraway places. Some occur right here.” He touched a fingertip to her chest above her heart. “The moment you began painting my portrait, when you took the risk of coming home with me, you were having that moment.Iwas your wilderness, Suzannah, and you held your own against me.”
A blush rose in her cheeks at his words.
“Kit, I really do love you,” she whispered. She held her breath, waiting for him to say what she needed to hear most.
He squeezed her hand in return. “What little I remember of love holds no candle to what I feel for you. I believe there is no word capable of the summation of what my heart feels for you. Except to say that you are everything to me.”
This time when he kissed her in the grass beneath the brilliant blue skies, she tasted his love, felt it burn clear through her. Loving Kit was like climbing up to the top of a mountain in the middle of a tumultuous storm and being gifted the power of lightning. His love electrified her and stopped her heart all at once before sending her flying back into life, feeling more alive than she ever had before.
“Thank you forlovingme, Suzannah,” he whispered against her lips.
If only he knew that love had been so easy to give. Love was the one resource a soul never ran out of. Love was a candle that never burned low. It was a light from a thousand stars on a cloudless night. It was the breeze in the sails of a ship far from home.
She wished in that moment that they didn’t have to return to London, because she feared that she would lose him forever. But she was discovering that life was forever a lesson in learning to find joy, and someday... someday the specter of Kit’s past would be gone forever, and she would be free to love him without the fear of losing him.
* * *
The last fewweeks in the country with Suzannah had been nothing short of heaven for Kit. He had never imagined he could feel like a young man again, with only hope and excitement ahead of him.
For long stretches during the day, he forgot he’d ever been away. As time went on, his painful memories from the colonies seemed to exist only in the land of dreams and nightmares, rather than the other way around. It was as though he and Suzannah had always lived together among the flowers and the towering trees that dappled the ground with sunlight.
Only at night, when the shadows settled around him and the smoke from extinguished candles coiled in the air like vipers, did the reality of the past return, and he remembered why he’d come home.Revenge.Walsh and Balfour still had to pay for their sins. He could not let that go, no matter the time that had passed. Now he began to wonder if his need for vengeance had, in fact, been a curse.
Suzannah was still working on her portrait of him, but he found he cared less about it than when he’d originally commissioned it. How had everything changed so quickly? He had come to London with his heart burnt to ash, yet between Suzannah and his old friends, his heart had risen from its ashes like a newly born phoenix.
“My lord?” Palmer said, disturbing Kit’s ruminations. The butler stood in the doorway of the study that had once belonged to his father. It had been locked, but Kit had reopened it earlier in the day, cleaning out old papers and wiping dust off the bookshelves. The maids were far busier tending to other rooms.
“Yes?” He leaned back in his chair, hearing it creak ominously beneath him. It was another piece of furniture that would have to be replaced.
“A messenger came from London. It seemed urgent.”
Kit bolted upright. “What is it?” He held out a hand for the letter, expecting bad tidings from Darius.
“It’s actually for her ladyship,” Palmer replied. “I was seeking her out and assumed she was with you.”
“No, she’s painting in the drawing room.”
“Ah.” The butler turned on his heel and left without another word. Kit smiled. The old man still adhered to strict customs and would not hand over the countess’s letters, not even to her husband.
He followed Palmer down the corridor to where Suzannah was working.
“Oh, good morning, Mr. Palmer.” Suzannah set her palette and paintbrush down before rubbing her nose with the back of her hand. The action smeared paint over the tip of her nose, confirming his belief that she was as adorable as she was talented. He wanted to see her progress, but she would not allow it. She insisted on revealing the portrait only when it was ready, and he was content to agree.
“I have a letter for you, my lady. It was delivered from London. The messenger said it was urgent.” Palmer walked over and passed the letter to her.
“For me?”
Suzannah’s gaze turned to Kit, but he had as little idea about its contents as she. She took the letter and broke the seal, unfolding the paper to read the message.
