Page 23 of The Secret Shape of Worship
“What do they want?”
“It does not matter. I will not let anything come between us.”
Mina dug his fingers into Anubis's side and buried his face deeper.
“Do not worry, mykianga.He will not take you from me.”
“He? Your father. Is that…”
“Osiris. He is god of the underworld. He has certain expectations of me. Demands which have gone unfulfilled for too long.”
Mina had an idea of what that must feel like. Though at this magnitude amongst deities, he couldn’t fully imagine.
“What expectations?”
“It does not matter now. Be still. I must think.”
Anubis broke away from Mina, walking to the couch by the fire and sitting. The couch groaned in protest. He stared facing into the blaze, hands on his knees, red eyes doused a dark ruby and faraway.
In his jackal form, he looked like a perfectly cut statue. Obsidian and gold, studded with blue and red and green jewels. A priceless treasure. Mina walked around the couch and knelt before him, between his legs, placing his hands on the god’s thighs. He didn’t want to distract Anubis from his thoughts. But he wanted, needed, his god to know he was here. That he was loved. That he was worshiped.
Mina placed his head in his god’s lap. He closed his eyes. A hymn came to him. One that his mother used to sing when he was small, and he would wake, screaming, from a nightmare where dark monsters crept. He couldn’t remember the words exactly, but he knew the melody. It vibrated in his belly, bubbling up in his throat, and before he could stop it, it poured from his lips in a soft hum. A low, purr-like growl escaped from Anubis, and the god’s strong hand settled on the side of his head, absently stroking his blond curls. Mina closed his eyes and sang, and the god caressed his hair.
By now, the thought of going back to his old life felt about as possible to Mina as the prospect of still fitting into his childhood clothes. His soul no longer fit that life. He did miss his mother. Occasionally, he missed his father. Mostly, though, he was content. Content with a life where who he was wasn’t just accepted, it was cherished. Where his body could be free. Where his wants and desires could flow as endlessly as the Nile.And where his voice had finally found the strength to let itself be heard.
Mina wasn’t naive. He knew that this couldn’t last forever. But he trusted Anubis. He knew the god loved him and that he was powerful. Surely, there was a way to prevent what suddenly felt inevitable. Surely there was a way to keep all of this from ending.
After some time had passed, Mina raised his head, sensing a shift in Anubis's posture. The god was looking down at him, a soft and contented red glow back in his eyes.
“Just when I believed I had reached the pinnacle of you, you show me there is even more to discover. You paint the air with your voice.”
Mina blushed and buried his face back in the god’s lap. “Shut up,” he mumbled into the black fabric. But the smile that stretched across his face made his cheeks ache and his eyes water. Mina cleared his throat and looked up.
“When I woke and you were gone, I thought?—”
“I am sorry. Our time together is becoming increasingly difficult to protect. I have had to work deeper magic. Too much time has passed on the outside. I can manipulate time, which I have done. To a degree, I can manipulate perceptions, which I have attempted. But I cannot stop time. I cannot control minds.”
“What about the jackals?”
“I have done what I can so that the jackals, too, may sense and perceive time differently. I do not think they will go to my father. Not yet. We have time, Mina. Plenty of time.”
But Mina saw a distant look return to Anubis’s eyes. He sensed the fears being hidden away so that Mina could not see them. Would not know them. Mina probed Anubis's face. Willing him to show honesty. To be true. But Anubis looked away, his red eyes growing dark again, twin suns consumed by a storm.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ATONEMENT
And the storm never let up.
Anubis barely spoke. He skulked around the tombs like a ghost, a shadow flitting on the periphery of Mina’s world.
Nearly a week went by like this until one morning, before Anubis could slip out of their bed for another day of disappearing, Mina shot up, grabbing him by the arm.
“So, are you just full of shit or what?”
Anubis stopped, perched sitting on the edge of the bed, and pointedly not looking in Mina’s direction. “I do not understand.”
“Yes, you do. You do understand. Because you’re not looking at me. You’re hiding. You tell me you’re all about following your desires. Denying yourself nothing. Being your true self. Blah, blah, blah.”
