Page 25 of A Baxter Family Christmas
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CHAPTER NINE
December fifteenth was Erin’s birthday.
Every year, without fail, John Baxter had brought flowers to his daughters on their birthdays. Even Erin. Even now. He got up early, went to the florist, and chose a dozen long-stemmed yellow roses. Erin’s favorites.
Then he took a drive that was too familiar. A drive to the local cemetery. John parked and trudged through the snow to the series of gravestones. Elizabeth. Little Sarah. Sam and Clarissa, Chloe and Heidi Jo. And there next to her mother—John’s youngest daughter, Erin.
As John leaned down, as he anchored the bouquet of yellow roses deep into the icy snow, he saw something. An envelope in a plastic Ziploc bag. Proof that he wasn’t the first one here this morning.
And he wasn’t the only one thinking of Erin today.
John picked up the bag and removed the letter from inside. It was from Ashley and it simply read:Happy Birthday, Erin. I know you’re happy in Heaven. I’m sure of it. But down here we still miss you. Especially today. I love you, Ashley.
The cold air stung John’s eyes as he blinked away a layer of tears. Beneath her name, Ashley had written one more thing:
P.S.—I’m sorry about Christmas Eve. I just don’t know that I can do it. Dad’s right. It’s probably what you would do. But then... you always were stronger than me.
“Ah, Ashley...” He folded the note, put it back in the plastic bag and slid it beneath the yellow roses. “My poor girl.”
Her note made him think. He needed to make sure Ashley knew it was okay. Okay that she missed the Christmas Eve with Kendra Bryant. Because Ashley was right. Not all of them could handle such a meeting.
Especially so soon after Erin’s birthday.
Later John and Elaine drove to Indianapolis to finish their Christmas shopping. He told Elaine about Ashley’s note, how she had basically apologized for not being able to participate in Christmas Eve dinner.
“You need to talk to her.” Elaine looked like she could cry. “It’s one thing to meet with the woman. But if Ashley feels like that, how does Luke feel? The two of them need to hear from you, John.”
He agreed, so on the way home that day—with their car full of Christmas gifts—John called Luke first, and then Ashley. He told both of them he was okay with the fact that they weren’t joining in for the Christmas Eve dinner. And that he was sorry for putting them in the situation to begin with. “You’re right to listen to your heart in this,” he told each of them separately. “I wouldn’t want you to feel like you were disappointing me. Or like Erin would be disappointed.”
Luke’s response came easily. “I get it, Dad. It’s just not how I want to spend Christmas Eve.” He still sounded somewhat tense about the situation. But John understood. He knew Luke would be fine come Christmas morning.
The call with Ashley wasn’t as simple. Her tone was sharp from the beginning. “Dad, you don’t understand. I guess I figured you’d care more about what I want than what some stranger wants.”
“I care deeply about you, Ash.” John cast Elaine a frustrated look. “You can’t really mean that.”
“I do mean it. You chose her over us.”
“I didn’t choose her over...” John released a shaky breath. “I only wanted to reach out to her. Please... try to understand.”
Ashley was quiet for a few seconds. “What about Amy? How could you be okay with bringing this woman into our family when you know it’s going to hurt her? And me and Luke? At least the three of us.”
John thought about disagreeing. They still didn’t know for sure about how Amy would feel. She might be glad to meet Kendra. Now they’d never know. He kept his thoughts to himself. “I don’t want to fight about it.”
Ashley didn’t respond at first. When she finally did, she sounded like she was crying. “I don’t want to fight either. I’m sorry for getting so upset.”
“No. Don’t be sorry. The whole thing is my fault.” John gripped the steering wheel. There was no way to make things right without letting Kendra down. And what sort of Christian example would that be? “Forgive me, Ashley. I really thought you’d want to be there.”
“No way.” She hesitated. “I’m curious. But, Dad, on Christmas Eve? I think I’d cry for a week.”
When the call was over, just as they reached Bloomington again, John turned to Elaine. “I wish I could undo the whole thing. Like Luke said, we could’ve planned to meet her after the new year.”
Elaine took hold of his hand. “But for some reason God led you to make the plans now. At Christmastime.” She settled back into her seat. “You did the right thing by calling them. You need to pray that God will show you why it was important to meet Kendra now.”
“True.”
“My guess is... this has a lot more to do with her than with any of the rest of us, John. Even you.”
