Page 23 of Love Story
“Because after a love like he had with Grandma, how could he love someone else?” Cole looked directly at her, like he was genuinely trying to understand.
“Exactly.” Ashley could feel her tears ready to burst through. She breathed the sweet spring air, the smell of jasmine nearby. “I was the last one of the brothers and sisters to understand. It wasn’t until your little sister died that Elaine and I found our way to a friendship.”
The sun moved out from behind a passing cloud. Cole squinted against the light. “What happened?”
“Well... I wanted Sarah Marie’s life to matter. Even if she only lived a few hours.”
“I remember being there at the hospital. Everyone singing around your bed and taking turns holding her.” Fresh tears filled his eyes. “I remember holding her.”
Ashley pointed to the adjacent tombstone. “She’s buried there. Beside your grandma.”
“I saw that.” Cole used his thumb and forefinger to wipe his tears. “I don’t remember what Elaine did that day.”
It was something Ashley would never forget. “She brought me a baby girl outfit. The sort of thing you would do for any other baby girl. But Sarah Marie... no one thought to bring clothes for her because they knew... they knew she wasn’t going to live.”
Cole looked at the grass for a moment and then back at Ashley. “I never thought about that.”
Ashley couldn’t fight her tears anymore. They trickled down her face as she remembered that day. “Leading up to her birth, I’d been thinking how all I wanted was my mother. I wanted her there beside me, to comfort me and tell me everything was going to be okay. My mom would’ve understood that I needed at least something normal to mark Sarah’s birth. Something other little girls would have. It was one of the hardest parts of that time, not having my mom with me.”
“That’s so sad.” Cole reached for her hand. “I want you there for all those big moments. When I get married and when I have my kids one day.”
Ashley brushed away her tears once more. This moment was another way Cole was different from other boys his age. Deeper, sensitive. She drew a shaky breath. “So there I was, thinking how much I missed my mother, when Papa and Elaine walked into the hospital room.”
Ashley could easily remember the way she felt that day, how she’d been overcome with sadness until that single moment. “Elaine walked up and handed me a wrapped gift. Inside was the sweetest little pink outfit.” Ashley closed her eyes again, overcome by the memory.
Without saying a word, Cole put his arm around Ashley’s shoulders. For a while they sat there, side by side at the foot of her mother’s tombstone, and just let the sadness be. How kind of God to give them this time together. Time that clearly was important to both of them. Ashley needed this, a moment when she could just sit with her son and remember the losses of yesterday.
And the way they still hurt today.
Ashley leaned her head on her son’s shoulder. He was taller than her now, and becoming a man like Landon. Just the way Ashley had always prayed he would. Here and now she drew strength from him, just knowing that he cared about the things that hurt her. Knowing that they hurt him, too.
“That was a turning point with Elaine and me.” Ashley sat up straight again.
Cole stood and walked to the nearby tombstone. “Sarah Marie.” He looked back at Ashley. “She lived only those few hours?”
“Yes. Not even a day.” Ashley smiled through blurry eyes. “But what a full and rich life she had.”
Cole sat down beside her again and plucked absently at a few more pieces of grass. He looked deep into Ashley’s eyes. “So Grandma is taking care of Sarah Marie.” It wasn’t a question. “She’s not here with us grandkids on earth. But she’s with the girl cousins in heaven.”
Again it was hard for Ashley to see through her tears. “Exactly. And Erin and Sam. All of them together.”
“Like your painting.”
“Yes.” One of Ashley’s paintings depicted her mother and all the Baxter family who had passed on. It hung in the entryway of Ashley and Landon’s house. “Those already home in heaven.”
Cole nodded. He didn’t say anything for a minute or so. Then he took a deep breath. “I think I understand a little better.” He brought his knees up to his chest and looped his arms around them. “It’s just... at first as Papa told his story, I kept thinking how it wasn’t fair. She was the one he loved the most. His first love.” Cole stared at his grandma’s tombstone again. “She should still be alive.”
This time Ashley put her arm around Cole’s shoulders. “You understand a little better, why it took Papa time to agree to all this.”
“Definitely.” Cole brushed a few pieces of grass off the edge of the stone. “All this storytelling will make him miss her more. Maybe more than ever.”
“Right.” Ashley thought for a minute. “Maybe we should pray for Papa. That this won’t be too hard for him. We still have three more visits to hear his story.”
“True.” Cole looked at her. “You wanna go ahead?”
“Sure.” Ashley prayed that her dad would remember the details of his love story with her mom, but that in the process he wouldn’t get so lost in the sorrow that he couldn’t be happy today. “Elaine needs him, and he needs her, Lord... so please help Papa stay happy about the life he has now. Even as he gets a little sad about the life he lost when he lost Mom. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
A quiet fell over them. There was nothing more to say.
