Page 14 of Love Story
“Cody!” His mom’s face filled with concern. “You didn’t tell her?”
Remorse came over Cody again. His mom knew how his mind would flash back to the days when he served in the Middle East. The day the vehicle he was riding in hit an explosive device. The horrible afternoon when he lost his lower left leg.
He had never kept any of his struggle from his mother, and for a while he even thought they were gone. But not long after he’d asked Andi to marry him for the second time, the episodes came screaming back. No warning.
Cody waited several seconds. He’d replayed those days dozens of times. Even though the episodes scared him. Even though they took him back to his darkest hours, and even though he hadn’t wanted to burden Andi with them, always he came to the same conclusion.
He should have told her.
Whatever his reasons for hiding the truth from Andi, they were wrong. If they would’ve ended up marrying, he would have had to tell her someday.
He still prayed that God would take thePTSDaway for good, so there would never be another night when he’d lay his head down on the pillow only to spend his sleeping hours in some desert village being shot at.
But if that never happened he would’ve had to share the truth with Andi. The way he would’ve wanted her to share her deepest fears and concerns with him.
Cody looked at his mother and shook his head. “I didn’t tell her.” He would’ve crawled over glass if it meant getting back to that time, back to the season when he still could’ve confided in Andi.
“Cody... no.” His mom’s expression was a pained mix of shock and hurt.
An angry frustration doubled inside him. “I thought I was being kind. Doing the right thing. I didn’t want to involve her in my nightmares.” He shrugged. Why did it always seem that his soul was hurting? “I figured she deserved more than that. I kept thinking... if I prayed enough it would pass and everything would be great with us.”
A sigh slipped from Cody’s lungs. “I know so much more now.” He had learned techniques for dealing with the episodes. Memorized Bible verses that brought peace, practiced deep abdominal breathing, and disassociation, where he forced his brain to think of a vivid memory of the beach or a sunrise every time the flashbacks started. Not that Andi would listen to any of that.
He didn’t blame her.
His mother reached across the table and squeezed Cody’s hand. “Here’s my advice. It’ll always be my advice when it comes to Andi Ellison.”
He expected his mother to tell him to let her go, to realize that it was time to completely and fully move on. He’d be thirty in a few quick years and it was time he thought about meeting other girls. Dating again.
Instead what she said practically dropped Cody to the floor.
“You go after that girl. You call her until she answers her phone and if you have to, go and fly to wherever she is. And when you find her, you tell her the truth. How the way you acted had nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.” His mother paused. “Where is she, by the way?”
Cody had thought about that, too. He actually didn’t know exactly where Andi was. She worked for a disaster relief organization, but whether she was in the Midwest helping tornado victims or in the flooded plains of the Gulf States, Cody had no idea. He shrugged. “She’s off social media. It’s been a long time since anyone’s talked to me about her. I have no idea where she is, Mom.”
“Well then...” His mother stood and walked across the kitchen for the coffeepot. She poured them each a cup and then returned. As she sat down she looked straight at Cody. “Do what you have to do to find her, Son. You can’t move on until you sit down with her one last time and tell her how you feel.”
Again her words caught him off guard. He raked his fingers through his short hair. “She won’t talk to me. I already know that.”
“Only God knows.” She smiled. “That’s what a certain son of mine used to tell me.”
Cody let her words breathe life into the lonely deserts of his heart. After a few seconds, he nodded. “You’re right.”
“So you’ll try?” Her voice was gentle. It was clear she wasn’t pushing him to find his way back to Andi. She just didn’t want him to have regrets. “At least call her?”
“I’ll pray about it.” He stood and stretched. “I need to go. Riley’s waiting for me.”
“My grand-dog!” His mom was on her feet getting a bag for the cookies. As she filled it she laughed. “I have to bring him a bone this weekend.”
Cody took the bag of cookies and kissed her cheek. “That’s why he loves you.” He lifted the bag. “Thanks for these. Extra running this week for sure.”
By the time he reached his car he was thinking of Andi again, how he could look for her. What it would take to have one last conversation with her, the chance to tell her how he felt. Cody was sure she would turn him down and he would be left feeling worse than before. But his mom was right about one thing. He’d never know unless he tried. And there was one thing in the way.
He had to find her first.
5
Astack of old photographs sat on the kitchen table, a monument to all that had once been. John filled the coffeemaker with water and tried not to look at the pictures. Today was the day. The first interview. Cole and Ashley would be here soon.
