Page 15 of When We Were Young
Noah had no desire to fight her. What was the point? He felt his shoulders sink a few inches. “What do you want, Emily?” He was still mad, but he was tired of fighting. Tired of her. “We had a deal. Whether you admit it or not.” His pause wasn’t long enough for her to make a rebuttal. “The deal was we’d protect the kids. Which means you shouldn’t take Aiden and Olivia to bed by yourself on my last night here. And you shouldn’t have told him I was leaving. That was my job. That was the deal.”
Her voice was louder than his. “That wasn’t the deal.” She looked right through him. “The deal was till death do us part.” Tears shone in her eyes, but they didn’t touch the anger in her face. “Remember that, Noah?”
“Just go.” He turned toward the far wall and then back to her. “What’s the point of yelling at me? It isn’t going to change things.”
Emily looked like she could break something. “What’s the real reason, Noah?” She looked at the computer on the desk, the place where he made most of his social media posts. Those two items and a chair were all that remained in the office. In a blur Emily shoved the screen, knocking it on its back. “One of your fans got your attention? Is that what this is really about?” She looked him up and down. “And why do you havemudon your knees?” Her eyes found his again. “What are you hiding?”
“Nothing!” His voice was loud again. If the kids heard him, so be it. He gritted his teeth and fired the words like so many bullets. “I was at the cemetery, okay? Visiting Clara’s grave. Because losing Clara didn’t just happen to you. All right?” He was breathing hard, like he might explode from the pain and rage whirling within him. “It happened to me, too.”
The mention of Clara’s name seemed to have an instant effect on Emily. She straightened, and the lines in her face eased. Like she didn’t know what to make of his explanation. “Good night, Noah. I’m going to bed.”
She didn’t wait for him to say anything, just turned around and left him standing there. Like a tombstone from the cemetery earlier. Marking the death of their marriage. He exhaled and set his computer screen upright. She would be in the den by now, making up the sofa bed. Noah didn’t move, didn’t dare leave the office. Not until she was asleep.
The last thing he wanted was another exchange with her.
He sat down at his computer and opened their Instagram account. There were hundreds of private messages, questions and comments he hadn’t looked at yet. Usually he checked in on the fans every few hours. He opened the window and spotted a few of the regulars. A blonde who went by @UpforAnything had the most comments lately.
Noah, where are you?? I’m dying here! Post something about you and your beautiful wife. I’m waiting!
She was waiting. Noah stared at the comment and then shifted his eyes to the girl’s profile picture. Heavy makeup, flirty eyes. Low-cut top. Noah had talked back and forth with her a number of times. A few of her comments stayed with him.
Makes my day when you answer me, Noah.
You’re the hottest guy on Instagram. Emily is so lucky!
He closed Instagram and stared out the window. Tonight the black sky mirrored his soul. Why had he answered girls like her, anyway? Was Emily right? Had he forgotten the purpose of their social media accounts? No question, in the past year there were times when he couldn’t wait to come here, escape to the office. Away from Emily’s chilly tone of voice.
Her accusing eyes.
A few touches to the keyboard and the computer powered down. What would his parents say if they knew he was leaving Emily and the kids tomorrow? They had moved to London when Noah left home for college. They still lived there, near Noah’s brother and his family. With so many miles between them it was easy not to talk at all.
Noah couldn’t remember the last time they’d done more than say hello through text. FaceTime with the kids used to be a regular occurrence. Every few weeks at least. Now it had been months. His mom had texted him a few days ago asking if they could schedule a call. She missed him, missed Emily. Definitely missed Aiden and Olivia.
Like always, Noah promised they’d find a time. Eventually. As soon as they had a spare hour. But hours for his family weren’t a priority anymore. Noah felt guilty and he knew why. His parents had raised him to believe just one thing about marriage.
It was forever.
If things got tough, it was time to step up. A Christian marriage was about putting your spouse first. Noah used to believe that. Before Emily made the whole thing feel impossible. He sighed. Gravity was having its way with him again. Yes, if his parents knew about his decision to leave they’d be on the next plane from London to Indianapolis.
Whatever it took. They’d be there to help. Even if they needed to take leaves of absence from their jobs.
They had no idea how desperate things had gotten.
Noah pushed back from the computer and stood. His feet felt like they were dragging through wet cement as he walked from the office back to the bedroom. The light was on in the den, but Emily was in for the night. No more fighting or questioning or accusing. It was all behind him except the sad, slow drive from here to his new apartment.
A desperate sort of sigh came from the deepest part of him. He had to finish packing. The morning would be here before he knew it.
As he reached his suitcases the thought hit him like a truck. Tomorrow at this time he’d be alone. As terrible as that sounded, a glimmer of hope shone a light on the situation. At least he’d be free. Free of Emily’s oppressive disappointment and rude voice and mean eyes. Her disrespect.
His life with Emily was over. It really was. And as hard as the scene with the kids had been, as painful as all of this was, a part of Noah wasn’t sad at all. He had to get out. Things would be better for all of them. The kids would understand in time. In fact, he wasn’t just okay with the decision ahead.
He could hardly wait.
5
Emily was ready for bed, but she wasn’t tired. Her whole life was caving in around her. Another storm was hitting outside. Gale-force winds battered the windows and it sounded like the very walls of the house were being ripped away.
Who could sleep through a storm like this?
