Page 14 of When We Were Young
Olivia might’ve only been two. But she understood something was wrong. No question about that. She angled her head and in the sweetest voice she said the only thing she could say. “Where, Dada? Where going?”
His stomach was a mass of knots. What was he supposed to say? He found the same smile and patted her head. “Daddy will always be with you, Livi. Always and always.”
It was enough to settle Olivia into her pillow. Her eyelids looked heavier. “Hold you, Dada.” Even in her sleepiness she sat up and put her baby arms around his neck. “Hold you.”
There wouldn’t be anything left of Noah’s heart by the time he got out of here. He held on to her and tried to avoid the accusing thoughts slamming at his brain. Little girls paid big prices when their daddies left. A lack of trust for men, bad relationships down the road. The price was high for little boys, too. If Dad wasn’t around, then Aiden’s friends would be. Too often the worst kinds of friends.
Would they both grow up to hate him?
Noah couldn’t think about it. It was up to him. If he stayed involved in their lives, there would be nothing to worry about. It had to be better than watching Emily and him destroy each other.
Olivia was still clinging to him. Noah held her tight and kissed her cheek again. Then he gently laid her down on her pillow. “Love you, baby girl.”
Her eyes held his for a few seconds. “Wuv you, Dada.” She yawned. “Night-night.”
“Night, honey.”
Emily beat him to the light switch. Once the room was dark, the two of them slipped into the hallway and Noah closed the door behind them. As soon as he did, he stared at her. His voice was part seething anger, part whisper. “Are you kidding me, Emily?”
“What?” She was clearly just as angry.
They couldn’t talk here. Aiden would be out in the hall in a heartbeat wanting to know why Mommy and Daddy were mad at each other. At four he was still sweetly naïve enough not to connect the dots. Daddy moving out didn’t mean there was a problem with his parents. Not in Aiden’s mind. Because up until now Aiden and Olivia had never seen their parents fight.
Noah pointed to the other side of the house. “We need to talk.” He mouthed the words. He had never been angrier.
“Agreed.” Emily spat the word like it was poison on her tongue. She followed him to their room and slammed the door behind them. “Go ahead. What are you going to say, Noah? That I shouldn’t tell them the truth? That you’d rather spend time talking to strangers on the Internet than with us?”
“We had an agreement.” He stared at her. The person she had become. Her hands on her hips, her face a twist of disgust. She looked nothing like the Emily he had fallen in love with.
“Youhad an agreement.” She threw her hands in the air. Her tone cut deep. “I didn’t want any of this. What did you expect me to do? Lie to him? Tell him that after tomorrow you just happen to be living in another house?” She released a short breath. “You don’t want us.”
“And you don’t want me.”
“Not the way you are. Spending half your time at home on the Internet. Talking to girls you don’t know rather than being with us.” Her response was quick. “You’re right, I don’t want that. Not another day.”
“Is that right?” He laughed, but he could hear nothing funny about the sound. “You blame me for making money with our posts.” He motioned to the bedroom furniture and closet of clothes beyond it. “But I don’t see you struggling tospendthe money. How’s that Subaru working out? Huh, Emily?”
A rapid series of shock waves seemed to come over her. “Really, Noah? You’re going there?” She crossed her arms. “Sell it all. I can take the bus if it means having you back. The man I married.”
He stared at her and shook his head. “I give up.” Another harsh-sounding laugh. “You wanted this, too, Emily. Don’t forget that. I can’t just undo it.”
“Yes you can.” Her scowl was as unattractive as her voice.
“That’s another thing.” He took a step closer. “You never smile anymore. Like you’ve forgotten how.”
Fire sparked in her eyes. “I smile plenty.” She dropped her voice. “When you’re not around.”
He studied her, searched her angry eyes. After a few seconds he shook his head. “I can’t take it, Emily. I’m done.”
“Me, too.” She glared at him. “Just leave now, Noah. Why wait?”
“I would if I could.” Without hanging around for another dig, Noah turned and stormed past her. Deep inside, he could feel how hard his heart had grown toward her. This time tomorrow he’d be finished with conversations like this. Finished with these awful moments of hatred. “Never mind.” He waved his hand at her, brushing her off. He never even looked back. “I have nothing else to say.”
He pushed himself down the hall and toward the foyer. One more night. That was all he had to get through. Just one more night. He wanted to take her up on her offer and walk out the front door now. Sleep on the lawn, if it took that to avoid her toxic hatred. But he couldn’t do that to Aiden and Olivia.
Instead he went to his empty office. Before he could close the door, he saw her. Emily was marching toward him, clearly still upset. As she came closer, Noah took a few steps back. As much distance between them as possible. That was the goal. The reason he was moving.
“I wasn’t finished so don’t walk out on me.” Her arms hung at her sides, fists clenched. “Save that for tomorrow, will you?”
