Page 68 of When We Were Young
Even still, at that point Emily was on board with the process, believing that good things were coming of their public persona. But Noah felt her concern.
On their first anniversary, he made her a promise. He would keep some things private, of course. And he would be very careful that the posts reflected their lives. And not the other way around. If that ever happened, he made her another promise. He would pull the plug on all things social media.
But he didn’t.
With every passing year, their following grew and Noah became more committed to it. So committed that he hadn’t seen the troubling signs even when they were right in front of his face. Proof that Emily was pulling away from him, bit by bit. Even though he knew she was disappointed in the time he spent on the computer, he had thousands of people cheering him on. Every day. Every post.
So he didn’t let up.
Not until the morning when Emily spoke five painful words over breakfast, words Noah never thought he’d hear.
“I think we’re in trouble.”
Of course, by then it wasn’t just Emily’s notion or a concern about what the fans would believe. They really were in trouble. But even still Noah didn’t know how to do anything but keep taking pictures and finding Bible verses and encouraging quotes to share. Keep posting and pretending. As if by breathing life into their Internet presence, he might breathe life into their marriage.
When in fact the truth was quite the opposite.
Noah was killing it with his own two hands.
21
The sun wasn’t close to coming up yet, but still Kari couldn’t sleep. She’d gone from Jessie’s room to the sofa, and the sofa back to her bed. All while trying not to wake up Ryan. But now she gave up on sleep altogether. With near-silent movements, she slid out of bed again and made her way to the kitchen. Might as well do something useful. The bills needed paying so she flipped on a light, grabbed the mail folder and sat at the table.
She was forty minutes through the stack of things to pay when she heard something behind her.
Even with her back to him, Kari knew it was Ryan. She could feel him watching her. She finished writing out one more check, slipped it into the envelope, and hesitated. They still hadn’t found their way back to the love and deep connection they were familiar with. Every hour drew them closer to the announcement coming Sunday. And the awful reality of the move to Arizona grew.
“Kari.” His voice was quiet, but heavy with emotion. “Can you look at me?”
Kari took a quick breath and turned around in her chair. He was probably here to fix the tension between them. He might apologize again for accepting the position. Beg her to understand. Explain that he was having trouble sleeping, too.
But as soon as their eyes connected, Kari knew she was wrong.
Her husband seemed broken, like something terrible had happened. He held a large manila envelope, and with slow steps he came toward her. “I... I found this.”
Whatever it was, the impact clearly had been dramatic. Kari stood and crossed the kitchen to meet him. She took the envelope, but never looked away from him. Instead she waited for an explanation.
“Open it.” Tears brimmed in his eyes.
Her heart beat harder than before. Whatever the contents, they had rocked Ryan’s world. That much was evident. She glanced down and noticed her hands. They were shaking. What was inside? Was it his contract with University of Arizona?
She steadied herself, loosened the fastener at the flap and pulled out a document. The six pages were immediately familiar. Her eyes found the top of the first page.Elizabeth Baxter’s 10 Secrets to a Happy Marriage. Tears blurred her vision and she blinked them away. This was the list her mother had made before she died. Ten ways her kids might have the type of marriage she and Kari’s father had shared.
Right up until cancer took her from them.
Kari crossed the kitchen and returned to the chair at the table. Ryan followed and took the seat next to her. For more than a minute Kari read her mother’s words. The first secret was the most obvious.Divorce isnotan option.Kari blinked a few times. Of course not.
A move to Arizona could never be reason enough for Kari to consider leaving Ryan. Nothing ever would be. Without looking up she reached over and took Ryan’s hand. He clung to hers like they’d been apart for weeks.
Kari kept reading. Her mother’s next secret was the one Kari had been trying to do. Something she and Emily had texted about earlier.
Marriage is not 50/50.
She scanned the paragraph below.
A happy marriage means putting God first and your spouse second. Period. You, yourself, are no longer on the list of what matters most. It’s pretty simple; God has you here to serve one another. Love acted out is serving. Giving 100% of yourself to your spouse.
Kari closed her eyes. Of all the times for Ryan to bring this to her. She was trying to put him first, even if she didn’t like the outcome. She looked at him. “Where did you find it?”
