Page 74 of When We Were Young
Emily still had an hour before the kids would be up. If she was going to remember the past, she couldn’t stop here. She grabbed a blanket from the sofa and took it to the office. The place where Noah had undone their marriage one post at a time.
The room where she had criticized him and yelled at him more times than she could count. Losing their marriage was both their faults. She could see that now. After Clara died, Emily didn’t want to smile for Noah’s camera or pretend everything was okay. She became snappy and mean when Noah talked about their platform or when he shared an encouraging comment from a follower.
They should’ve taken a break from the Internet back then. She should’ve told Noah she was too sad to smile for the public. Instead she let a wedge grow between them. Yes, Noah should’ve been more in tune with her feelings. But why hadn’t she taken even a single hour to discuss the situation? With kind words, asking for his understanding?
She could remember a time when their Bible study group talked about the importance of treating each other with kindness and respect. Smiling. Patient voices. That sort of thing. But Emily hadn’t heeded Ryan and Kari’s wisdom at all.
A memory came back to her. A time after Clara died, when she walked into the kitchen and saw Noah clearing the table, setting up two coffee cups and a bouquet of flowers.
Emily could remember the way everything about the moment grated on her last nerve. “Really, Noah? You’re going to do this?” She put her hands on her hips. “We aren’t having coffee, so why pretend? It’s all so... fake.”
Just thinking about her harsh tone from that time made her wince. How could she have talked to him like that? Noah Carter, the man she loved?
Emily sighed as she sat down in the desk chair. The obsession with social media was Noah’s fault, for sure. But Emily understood her role in their breakup so much better after staying up all night. The memory of her younger self was so different from the person she’d become. And her attitude and expression and voice had grown almost mean toward him.
With a sadness she couldn’t possibly shake, Emily faced the window and covered her legs with the blanket. It was chillier now. That or she was just terrified of the morning. If only it weren’t so early, she’d call Kari and beg her for something, anything that might change the outcome of the next few hours.
But Noah’s mind was made up.
She stared outside to the world beyond. The sky above the trees. Another breath and then her vision blurred. More memories came. And the beautiful time after their first year of marriage was suddenly real and vibrant and playing out again right in front of her.
After the wedding, Emily started teaching dance at a local studio while Noah continued working part-time as a paramedic for the Bloomington Fire Department. It was a job he loved, and something to fall back on. If the Internet fame ever wore off.
But all the while Noah kept up their social media posts. At least three a day. Photos from breakfast or a coffee date down the street, the two of them walking through downtown Bloomington while Clara was at her occupational school. And their numbers continued to grow.
Then the spring following their third anniversary, Emily began feeling an all-day kind of nausea. One Saturday while Noah was at work, she and Clara drove to the nearest Walgreens. Emily tried to be sly about her real reason for stopping at the store. She filled the cart with a case of water bottles and some Advil for Noah’s occasional headaches. Finally she made her way down an unfamiliar aisle and after a quick look she dropped the next item in the cart.
A pregnancy test.
Clara positioned one crutch against the cart and leaned on the other one. Then she removed the box from the cart and stared at it. Like Christmas morning, a smile came over her that left no doubt. Clara understood. Her eyes lifted to Emily’s. “Baby? You?”
Emily grinned. “We’ll see.”
She took the test before Noah got home, only because she didn’t really think she was pregnant. A flu bug had been going around Bloomington. Maybe it was that. But moments later, the lines appeared. Two of them.
Since Clara had been with her at the store, Emily brought the results to the living room. Clara was at the table drawing trees. She loved trees. And at the sound of Emily’s footsteps, Clara looked up. She saw the white plastic stick in Emily’s hand and instantly she was on her feet, leaning against the table so she wouldn’t fall.
“Baby? Yes, Emily?” Her words were as exuberant as they were loud. “God, please, baby!”
Emily held up the test, and she could feel the hope and possibility in her smile. “Yes!” A single laugh came from her, because she still couldn’t believe it. “A baby, Clara. We’re having a baby!”
Clara grabbed her crutches and came painstakingly around the table. Then she fell into Emily’s arms and started to cry. At first Emily thought something was wrong. She pulled back and looked at her sister, and as soon as she did, she knew. Clara was crying tears of happiness. “You and Noah.” She blinked a few times and then she laughed, too. “A baby!”
Noah’s reaction was just as unforgettable. When he came home that night, Emily and Clara were waiting for him. The plan was for Emily to tell him first. She had the results in her hand ready to show him.
But as soon as he opened the door, Clara blurted out the news. “Baby! Emily has a baby!”
At first Noah dropped his keys and wallet and looked from Clara to Emily and back again. “Clara... for real?”
“Yes!” She jumped around, best she could.
Noah wore his dark blue paramedic outfit, his face smeared with ash from whatever calamity he had helped with that day. His eyes found Emily’s again and she felt her face light up. She gave him just the slightest nod. “Yes, Noah.” She held up the stick. “We’re having a baby.”
He walked inside, his mouth open. Shock and joy and disbelief filling his expression. “You... you’re pregnant?” Before she could respond he picked her up. The way he had done when he asked her to marry him. “We’re having a baby!”
“Yes!” Clara was still celebrating.
And there in the midst of that moment, a thought occurred to Emily. These really were the days when they were young. When they were becoming a family and showing the world what love looked like. Just like their social media platform claimed. Noah and her, working hard for their family, and then coming home one evening to the news that would change their lives forever. They were going to be parents.
