Page 29 of Truly, Madly, Deeply
“Not now.” She lifted her face to the setting sun. “Can we just sit here? For a minute?”
“Sure.” Tommy’s face was pale, same as Annalee’s mother’s. And he didn’t even know the truth yet. His hands were warm against hers. “We don’t have to talk.”
Annalee nodded. She needed a minute. The truth was still a terrible nightmare, nothing real or possible. How could she put into words something she was only beginning to grasp? She pressed in closer to Tommy, her knees against his. The sun moved lower in the sky. In an hour it would disappear behind the buildings and night would come.
Which would lead to tomorrow. And tomorrow would lead to Wednesday.
She could do nothing to stop the ticking of the clock. And with that certainty Annalee drew a steadying breath and looked straight at Tommy. As much as she wanted to sit here and pretend it was yesterday, here was the truth. “I have cancer. It’s bad.”
There. She had said it.
Tommy searched her eyes, her expression. He stared down at the place where their hands were joined and then he turned his face to hers again. “No.” He shook his head. “You’re… you’re perfect.” He released one hand and placed his fingers against her cheek. “Who told you this?”
“My doctor talked to my mom.” She didn’t blame Tommy for not believing the news. She didn’t believe it, either. “It feels like… it’s all happening to someone else.”
But it wasn’t. And now that she’d told him the hardest part, she filled in the details. “I go in tomorrow for more tests.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “And on Wednesday they’ll admit me to Indiana University Health Medical Center for treatment.”
Tommy didn’t stand or pace or look like he wanted to run. He put his arm around her and held her closer than before. “I… I don’t understand.”
She told him what she knew. The tumor in her chest was the size of an orange. Stage 4. Which was why the tumor was too big to be removed. Her doctor would give her six rounds of treatment to eliminate the mass and kill the cancer in her lymphatic system. “Several days in the hospital… then time at home for a couple weeks. Again and again. Six rounds.”
The sharp exhale that came from Tommy sounded like he’d been punched. She could feel him looking up, turning his face to the sky. “Why the hospital? For the treatment?”
That had been one of her questions, too. “The medicine is strong.” She started to shiver again. “Too strong for me to be home.”
Tommy eased back enough to look into her eyes. “We’ll fight this. Together.” He didn’t blink, didn’t look away. “I’ll be with you every day.” Panic darkened his face, but he didn’t waver. He shivered a bit. “God isn’t done with you, Annalee. He… isn’t done with us.”
She leaned her forehead against his. “I don’t want tomorrow to come.”
He put his arms around her and held her again, his cheek alongside hers. After a minute or so he looked at her once more. “Tomorrow has to come.” He brushed her hair from her face. “That’s when you’re going to start beating this.”
His words were supposed to encourage her. She knew that. Instead they scared her. “What if… I’m not strong enough, Tommy?” She clung to him again. “I’m so afraid.”
He put his hands on her shoulders. “Annie Oakley… you’re the toughest girl I know.” His teeth were chattering now. “You will beat this!”
Annalee nodded.Annie Oakley.The sun still shone on them, but the air was cooling. She couldn’t sit here another minute, couldn’t stand the sadness. “Walk with me.” She stood and held her hand out to Tommy. “Please.”
He looked like he wanted to cry, but he didn’t. He fought it, the way she had known he would. Since she gave him no choice, Tommy stood and drew her to his side. As they started along the canal Annalee felt the strange feeling again.
It was something she’d noticed lately. The fact that she couldn’t breathe right. When she was lying down or sitting or moving too fast, her lungs didn’t seem able to get a full breath. She had told herself her energy was to blame. Too little sleep or not enough vitamin B. Changing that should help and then she’d feel normal again.
But now Annalee knew better. Every strange thingshe’d been feeling was probably related to her cancer. She shuddered.Relax, Annalee. Breathe.A few more steps and she settled down.There.She was breathing better now.
With Tommy’s arm warm around her shoulders.
Another couple was walking toward them. A guy and girl maybe in their mid-twenties. As they came closer Annalee could see their wedding rings. They laughed and talked and before they reached Annalee and Tommy they stopped and kissed.
Nothing too long or inappropriate for being in public. They were in their own world. Too in love to notice anyone else. Living out their very own happily ever after.
As the couple passed, the man smiled at the woman. “I’m ready to go home.”
She smiled. “Me, too.”
Home. Together.Annalee slipped her arm around Tommy’s waist as they kept walking. Would that ever be the two of them? Married and able to go home together? What would that be like? Annalee set her gaze straight ahead. Why did they have to wait till then?
After today she’d be in and out of the hospital. The details her mom had shared were horrible. Her doctor had apparently said Annalee would lose her hair and she’d lose weight. Even her eyelashes and eyebrows would disappear. Chemo and radiation would overtake her and she’d be fortunate if she ever felt normal again.
If she ever felt as good as she did right now. She slowed her pace.
