Page 56 of The Baxters
His lungs filled and he clenched his jaw. Was he out of his mind? Here in the same place he’d parked more times than he could remember? Landon stared at the card in his hand. Why was he here? What was the point?
He hadn’t even told her he was stopping by. Because if he had, he knew how she would have responded. She would have shaken her head and begged him not to come.It can’t work,she would have told him.It’s over between us.
So why stay? His head asked his heart the question, but neither could make a move. Landon fiddled with his keys. No, he couldn’t leave. Not when this would be the only time he’d had with Ashley in years. Maybe if he told her what happened when he first heard the news about her.
Maybe if she knew about his college drinking.
A ribbon of frustration wove itself through him. He had never been a drinker. Not in high school when most of the football team downed six-packs of beer every Fridaynight after the games. And not when he moved to Texas and began taking classes at Baylor.
Lots of kids partied. Not Landon. His faith in God was enough to keep him on track, alone on Saturday nights if that’s what it took. At first Jalen agreed with him. The two would round up a group of guys and go bowling and out for pizza. Landon figured maybe God had him at Baylor to help his friends see they didn’t need to drink to have fun. Besides, none of them were of age. So it was illegal, no matter how many college kids drank.
But by the time they reached the second semester of their sophomore year, Jalen had joined the crowd that hit up the kegs at their college parties. “It’s no big deal, Blake,” Jalen would tell him. “I’m not like those other kids who get wasted all the time.”
He was right. Some kids were out of control with their drinking. Couldn’t take in a day of classes without downing a few shots of Jack Daniel’s. Jalen wasn’t doing that. But still it frustrated Landon that his friend partied at all. And it frustrated Jalen that Landon didn’t.
“Come on, Blake, loosen up. Pop a top, already,” Jalen would tell him when they were out. He would grin and poke Landon in the shoulder. “God won’t be mad at you.”
Landon had held his ground. He wasn’t afraid of making God angry. His conviction was about honoring the Lord, living a life set apart from the world. Landon remembered a Bible verse that had kept him on track during those years.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
The Scripture was Romans 12:2, and it kept Landon focused. He didn’t want to be like everyone else. They still weren’t of legal drinking age at that point, and Landon had no intention of breaking the law. Let alone getting drunk.
But all that changed when he heard about Ashley.
It was a Saturday that fall. His mom called to tell him the news. “Ashley Baxter is home, Landon. I ran into her mother at the market.”
At first his heart soared. Paris hadn’t worked out. As hard as that must’ve been for her, at least she was home! Which meant maybe the two of them might get back together after all! But before his internal celebration could take root, his mother exhaled. Whatever she was about to say, Landon sensed it wasn’t good. “Mom? Tell me.” He swallowed hard. “What is it?”
“There’s no easy way to say this.” She hesitated. “Landon, Ashley is pregnant. She must’ve met someone in Paris.”
Met someone? Landon’s mind raced right past the fact that Ashley was expecting a baby and straight to the more terrible possibility. “Is she… is she married?”
“No.” His mom sounded sick about the situation. “The baby’s father… he isn’t involved at all.”
A few hours after the phone call, the news was still decimating Landon. Ashley was pregnant. That meantshe’d been with some guy… some jerk who had slept with her and walked away. Otherwise why didn’t she marry the guy, right?
The more Landon thought about the situation, the darker he felt. He and Ashley had been meant for each other since they were kids. And now… now everything had changed.
When Jalen asked him to go to a party that night, Landon didn’t hesitate. And for the first time he didn’t avoid the keg in the kitchen. He parked himself by it. One cup of beer became two, and two became four.
Landon had never drank, never felt what it was like to be buzzed, let alone drunk. But that night he finally understood the draw. Alcohol eased the pain. It changed reality into a hazy happy place where troubles grew dim.
Halfway through the party, Jalen found him leaning hard against the kitchen counter, a fifth beer in his hand. “Blake, what are you doing?” He chuckled, but his expression looked startled. “Someone told me you were in here getting hammered.”
Much of that night was outside the scope of Landon’s memory. But he remembered Jalen talking to him in the kitchen. Landon had laughed, his words slurred. “Hammers up!” He stumbled a bit and caught himself. “You always tell me to be loose. Drink a little.” He raised his red plastic cup. “Just doing what you said, Jalen, old buddy, old pal.”
“Yeah, well, cut it off.” Jalen took the cup from Landon and dumped the beer in the sink. “You’ve had enough.”
After Jalen left the kitchen, some kid walked in with a bottle of whiskey. Or gin, maybe. Landon still wasn’t sure. The guy lined up a few shot glasses and asked Landon if he wanted to play. “Most shots wins.” The kid laughed. “You’re first.”
All Landon could see was his beautiful Ashley, his childhood friend and high school love, alone and pregnant with some other guy’s baby. He gritted his teeth and ignored the sick feeling in his stomach. Jalen was right. He’d probably had enough.
But Landon was angry. Furious with Ashley for ruining things. They were supposed to get married and find a small house where they would start their life and their family. Her first baby was supposed to be his.
Only now everything was wrecked.
Landon had pushed back from the counter that night and reached for the poured shots. “Sure,” he mumbled as he took the first drink. “I’ll play.”
