Page 72 of The Baxters
One incredible adventure of love.
And nothing could be a better adventure for the two of them than the week ahead, sailing along the coast of Alaska on a cruise.
Kari smiled to herself. She could hardly wait.
23
In the quiet of the dark night, Ashley sat in the plush rocker and held Cole close. Midnight had come and gone, and still she couldn’t lay him down in his crib. Not when she’d almost lost him earlier.
What would she be doing right now if Landon hadn’t been there? Would they be at the hospital still? Home planning a funeral?
She shuddered. “Cole… I love you, baby.” Her whisper was the same. Over and over again. “Mommy loves you.”
Why hadn’t she said those words more often? Before today? Ashley thought about the past year, and her months as a mother. Babies were a lot of work. Before Cole’s birth, Ashley had made every decision with just one person in mind: herself.
Her parents had encouraged her to stay at their house for the first few months. “You’ll need help after the baby is born,” her mother had told her several times. “We’re here, Ashley. Whatever we can do.”
But that same stubbornness that had sent her running from Landon and flying off to Paris kicked in hard.Especially later in her pregnancy. One afternoon in her third trimester, Luke came home from school and found Ashley in the kitchen making soup.
“Please tell me you’re moving out before the baby comes.” He brushed past her to the refrigerator and made himself a sandwich. “I won’t get any sleep with a screaming kid around.”
Comments like that weren’t typical for Luke. He wasn’t always so mean. Once in a while during her pregnancy he had even asked her how she was doing, whether she could feel her baby moving. But too often his snide comments stayed with her.
The way they had that day.
By then she’d received all of her settlement money from the accident. So the next week she contacted a real estate agent and in two days she had put a down payment on a small house near downtown Bloomington. It was in the heart of the city, and ten minutes from her parents’ home. Not too far, but enough so that when she brought Cole home from the hospital after his birth she was truly on her own.
Her mother offered to stay with her for a week or two, but Ashley refused. “I have to do this by myself, Mom,” Ashley had told her. “Getting pregnant was my mistake. I can’t expect anyone else to carry me.”
And so trial and error had taught her everything about being a mom. How often to change Cole’s diaper, when to feed him, and what to do when he wouldn’t stop crying. All of it was work, to Ashley. Like a checklistof daily duties. And if she could drop Cole off with her parents, she was happy to let someone else take care of him for a few hours.
Her attitude had stayed that way right up until today, when she almost lost him.
Now, looking back, she was sure of one very sad truth. She hadn’t had enough moments like this. Times when she sat in the dark and stared at her miracle boy, memorizing the lines of his sweet soft cheeks and the feel of him in her arms. She held him a little closer and whispered again, “I love you, Cole. Mommy loves you.”
Tonight he could’ve died. And she would never have had this second chance, never had the opportunity to really love her baby boy. Tears filled her eyes and spilled onto her face. “I’m sorry, baby. I love you.” She caught her tears with the back of her hand. “I didn’t act like it, but… I always have.”
Things might not change right away. She had her art groups at night, people she painted with and dreamed with. Friends who understood her. But when she was here, bedtime with Cole would never be the same again.
She would slow down, take her time. Notice the little changes from one week to the next as Cole grew from a baby to a toddler. He was her very own son, and he was alive. By God’s grace or some crazy amazing chance, he was still alive. Here in her arms.
Ashley studied him. What about her family, the Baxters? The people everyone else always wanted to be like? They each had their own lives now. Brooke and Peterbusy working and raising little Maddie. Kari had Tim. Erin and Luke were still in school and too young to understand.
Since Cole’s birth, she had never felt more alone. But after today she wondered if maybe that was her fault.
Ashley drew a long breath, and the sound made Cole stir in her arms. Poor little guy. His throat probably hurt from the plastic juice cap. Her dad had suggested she take him to his pediatrician on Monday to be checked. Just in case he’d injured his windpipe. Given the ordeal, Cole needed his sleep more than ever.
Ashley couldn’t hold him all night.
With quiet movements, she stood and carried him to his crib. Gently she laid him down, and ran her hand a few times over his back. He wore his navy one-piece jammies, the ones with the white snaps. Ashley tucked his baby blue blanket around him and she crept out of his room.
Of all the people to rescue her baby today, how could Landon Blake have been the one? Ashley hadn’t wanted him to come to the house at all. And now… now Cole was asleep in his bed because Landon showed up.
She tiptoed to the kitchen and the blue gift bag Landon had given her. The guy was thoughtful to the core. Even when she’d done nothing to deserve his kindness. Staring at the bag, she remembered something.
The card.
She pulled it from the bag and stared at it, at hername across the front of the envelope. Whatever the card held, Ashley knew she’d keep this one just like the others. Forever.
