Page 14 of Hail Marry
I resist the impulse to shake the entire car like I shook the vending machine. My therapist has told me time and time again that venting my anger in that way doesn’t actually reduce it.
I take in a few slow, deep breaths, square my shoulders, then open the car door and get in. I drive home in silence. What’ll I do with my life back in Canada? I could try for the football league there, but it’s not the same. The gameorthe dream. Besides, I really don’t want to go back to Canada.
But what other choice do I have?
4
TORI
“Yoohoo! Earth to Tori!”
I blink and look over at Jess, the other administrative assistant I share a workspace with. She’s a tall brunette with thick-rimmed glasses who’s been working with me for the last two years.
“Sorry, what?” I ask.
“Did you get that invoice I forwarded you from Bob?”
“Oh.” I click to my inbox, my eyes widening at the half-dozen unread emails. I usually keep my inbox tidy. How long was I zoned out?
“Oh,” Jess says, “I meant to tell you I saw Felix this morning when I dropped off coffee at that meeting at corporate.” She lets out a sound of disgust. “He gave me the smuggest look, likehe’snot the one usually being ordered around for coffee runs and copies.”
“Huh,” I say absently.
Jess stands and walks over to my desk. She sits on the edge and stares down at me. “Okay,whatis going on with you? The mention of Felixalwaysgets you riled up. You’ve been in la-la-land all day, not to mention”—she sets a hand on mine to still my tapping finger—“fidgeting nonstop.”
I sit back in my creaky chair. “I don’t know. I’m just…restless.”
“Is that why you missed half the workday yesterday?”
I hesitate. I haven’t talked to anyone about what happened. I specifically wore a long-sleeve shirt today to cover my arm bandage. I don’t know why. It’s not a big deal, and yet I’m still processing that I was one measly second and a matter of feet from dying. And then running into Tyler just brought back all the crap I dealt with when Ryan dumped me.
“Hey,” Jess says, “I picked up your slack and stayed late.”
“And I’m so grateful to you for that.” I swivel to face her in my chair. “I just had a weird experience where I kind of almost died, and it’s messing with my head a little.”
“Jeez,” she says, her brow knitting. “What happened?”
“I wasn’t paying attention when I was walking back from lunch, and I almost got hit by a gigantic semi.”
Her eyes widen, and she swears. “That’s terrifying. I’m so sorry.”
I take a big breath and let it out quickly. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”
“Except you’re clearly not. Are you having a mid-life crisis?”
“I’m twenty-five, Jess.” I stare at a point on the wall behind her, thinking. “But I guess twenty-five was almost myend-of-life. Maybe Iwilldie when I’m fifty. Or tomorrow.”
She puts a hand on my arm. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow your roll. It’s just a phrase. Let’s call it a quarter-life crisis. I’d just like to prepare myself if you’re going to show up tomorrow with a pixie cut and a ticket to Bali to become a yogi.”
I touch my braided waves. “WouldI look better with a pixie cut?”
“No.” She leans back to look at me. “Gosh, this is really messing with you, isn’t it? I mean, it makes sense. Almost dying is no joke. Our raft flipped over on the Colorado River one time, and”—she blows out a breath, her eyes wide—“it really did a number on me for a couple weeks.”
Rafting. See, that’s the kind of thing I would’ve done before Ryan. The stuff that gets your heart racing and your adrenaline pumping. I don’t think it’s the fact that I almost died yesterday that’s shaken me so much as that I almost died in the middle of such a boring phase of life.
“I’m fine,” I say. “I’m just…I don’t know. Like, what am I doing with my life, you know? This”—I motion to my paper-littered desk and the general office area—“wasn’t the plan. My dream in college wasn’t to be an administrative assistant.”
“Fair enough. Whatwasyour dream?”
