Page 88 of Hail Marry
But he doesn’t. He doesn’t wake for hours. I know because I don’t fall back asleep. I know I shouldn’t stay in his arms like this, but I can’t bring myself to leave. Not when there’s any chance he needs or wants me here. Not when moving might wake him.
That’s my problem. It’s why I stayed with Ryan even when I could feel him drifting away emotionally—falling in love with someone else, as I came to find out. I was too scared to let go because I knew it was going to mean pain. Holding on as long as I did only led to more of that pain, though.
But where does that leave me? Luca and I are married. Ican’tlet go.
And I don’t want to.
Call it weakness, call it hope, call it whatever you want, but the prospect of my own future pain pales in comparison to the need to make certain Luca knows he’s got someone by his side. Someone who won’t leave him.
21
LUCA
Something tickles my face,and I shift away from it, but it follows. There’s a familiar sound of waves breaking and seagulls calling, but it’s louder than I’m used to.
I put a hand to my face to brush aside whatever’s tickling my nose and lips, then frown. It’s hair.
My eyes flutter open, wincing at the bright ambient light. Slowly, my focus clears enough for me to note blonde, wavy hair everywhere. I know that hair.
I pull back to see better, but my arm is stuck.
Stuck under Tori, whose leg is resting on my hip, her body nestled against mine.
The memory of last night starts filtering in—eating dinner, answering questions, staring up at the night sky. That’s the last thing I remember.
Have I really been asleep since then?
That’s impossible. I haven’t slept through the night without my pillow for as long as I can remember. And definitely not on a patio sofa.
And yet, here I am.
Hereweare.
With the lightest touch I can manage, I move the hair out of Tori’s face, revealing her profile. I’ve seen her sleeping before, but never from this close. There reallyisn’tany closer than this.
Half of me wants to embrace the situation, incomprehensible as I find it, and go back to sleep. The other part of me is acutely aware of how my breath must smell.
Gently, I work to slip my arm out from under her.
She lets out a deep, sleepy breath and nestles closer.
Have mercy.
Last night, I admitted to Tori that I consider her my best friend. At first, I was sure she thought me pathetic. Then she told me I was her best friend too. Maybe she was just saying it to make me feel better. I don’t know.
But it didn’t feel like it.
She even said we can be friends after we get divorced.
After we get divorced. It’s a given, just as it always has been, and that knowledge—that this will end—might be the only thing keeping me sane. Or maybe it’s the thing making me feel like I’ll go crazy.
My phone buzzes on the coffee table, and I try to be careful as I reach for it so that I don’t smoosh Tori.
She doesn’t move a muscle. She wasn’t lying when she said she can sleep anywhere and through anything.
After much pathetic grasping with my outstretched fingers, they finally find purchase on the phone. By then, Zach’s call has gone to voicemail. I’d better call him back, though. We’ve got the immigration interview today.
The thought sends a flurry of nerves through me. If we mess this up…
