Page 102 of Here With Me
He nods, squeezing my hand. “I wanted my family to at least get my life insurance. Damien was a detective, so I knew he could make it look like a robbery gone wrong or somethin'.”
I blow out a breath. “Thank God he didn't listen.”
“After I woke up, I'd gone back and forth on whether I hated him or was grateful he gave me a second chance.”
“And after your shoulder healed, you went into a facility?”
“Yeah, he made me. He promised he'd keep the truth between us only if I'd comply in gettin' help.”
“Did it work?”
“Yes and no. I spent two years goin' to therapy and grief counselin’, but the pain never goes away. It simmers while the grief holds me hostage, and even when I try to remind myself it's okay to move on, the guilt pulls me back. After ten years, I was tired of the regret cripplin’ me. Jase is the only family I have left, and I didn't wanna go another day without tryin' to be in his life again.”
“Jase is a confused, hurt boy who had to grow up too fast. He doesn't understand why you left him. You need to tell him so he can have closure to that period of his life. He probably grew up thinkin' it was his fault you weren't around. That he wasn't good enough. Jase needs therapy to deal with his abandonment issues, and knowin’whyyou weren't around could help in his healin' process.”
“I'm afraid it'll make it worse for him.”
“Maybe at first. But Jase needs you more than he's willin' to admit.”
“And when I tell him I'm fallin' in love with the woman he wants, how do ya think he's gonna react to that? Nothin' I tell him about the past will matter. It'll be the ultimate betrayal in his eyes, especially now that I know he has feelings for you.”
My stomach twists at his words, but I don't dwell on them. “To be fair, neither of us knew he wanted to get back together with me. And I certainly didn't know who you were when we met.”
“I'm afraid that won't matter to him.”
And I'm afraid he's right.
ChapterTwenty-Two
Fisher
I've never shared that story with someone I cared about. The only other people who know are my therapists and my childhood friend. I haven't talked to Damien since moving here, but I check in with him every six months so he doesn't worry about me.
Admitting how badly you screwed up your life isn't an easy thing to say aloud, especially to someone you're in love with and who you want to see the best in you.
Noah's always been the exception. She makes me feel safe to reveal all the bad and ugly parts of myself. She listens and doesn't pity me. But she's the one person in this world I can't have.
Jase will never forgive me if he finds out our secret.
And if I don't choose my son, I won't be able to live with myself for screwing up a second time. Jase needs his father more than ever. He needs guidance and a role model, and most importantly, I need to be honest about why I left. I call him every night and attempt to make plans, but he constantly brushes me off.
But I didn't return to Sugarland Creek to give up that easily.
He needs to trust me again, and he never will if he finds out I've been lying to him.
After Noah and I shower, we lie in her bed, and she lets me hold her, knowing what's to come. We talk about a bit of everything except the giant elephant in the room.
Three hours pass before she shifts and faces me.
“I should go back and make sure everything's ready for tomorrow. Can we talk more after the fundraiser?”
The sadness in her tone guts me.
I trace her cheekbone, her nose, and run the length of her jawline, imprinting every inch of her face to memory. Nodding, I give her a soft smile. “Yeah. I should go check on Jase.”
Once she walks me to the door, I cup her face and breach her lips with my tongue for a deep kiss.
“Can I ask you one more thing?” she asks as I place my forehead on hers.
