Page 119 of Here With Me
Hurting Noah is the last thing I want.
But in order to pick my son, I have to.
My heart beats out of my chest as I hold her in my arms, knowing I have to walk away from the love of my life.
“I wish I could hate you,” she whispers as I spoon her under the covers. After our shower, I got dressed, but she opted to wear an oversized T-shirt. “It’d make things so much easier. Then I could blast Taylor Swift breakup songs and binge on ice cream.”
“I knew you were a Swiftie,” I tease against her hair, hoping to at least get a small chuckle.
“Shush. If you’re gonna break up with me, at least say horrible things about me so I can feel the normal rage afterward.”
“There’s not one bad thing I could ever say about you.”
“Oh, c’mon. You owe me this.” She spins around until we’re face-to-face. “What is it you said before? I’m self-absorbed. Overconfident. Too bold.”
I brush a strand of her damp hair behind her ear. “I love those things about you.”
“Then...somethin’ else.”
Dipping down, I kiss the tip of her nose. “I wish I had died that day so you woulda been spared this pain.”
Her eyes bug wide. “Why would you say that?”
I shrug. “Because it’s true. Stayin’ alive has caused more people pain than if I had just died. Jase wouldn’t have felt abandoned, Mariah wouldn’t have had to divorce me, and you woulda never met me. Maybe Jase and you woulda worked out in the end after all. Who knows.”
“I hope ya don’t mean that. If you’d died, I woulda spent a lifetime alone, waitin’ for you to show up because you’re my soulmate.”
“You woulda met someone else. Someone much better than me. Someone without a tragic past. Someone who could always choose you, no matter what.”
Someone her own age.
She shakes her head furiously. “Not a chance in hell. Meetin’ you changed my life, and even if we can’t be together, you will still always bethe onefor me. I’d rather be alone than settle for second best.”
“Don’t say that. You deserve to be happy, and I know someone out there will do a way better job than I ever could.”
“I know you want that to be true, but it just isn’t.”
I tighten my arms around her for one more hug. “Don’t wait around for me. I need to be here for Jase. I can’t get distracted or lie to him any more than I already have. Please, I need you to move on. Find someone who can give you the life ya want. Get married, have babies, build your own little ranch family. We both know I can’t give you that.”
She swallows hard and pushes her fists against my chest. “Now you really are pissin’ me off.”
Good. Then she won’t hold on to hope we can somehow make this work.
“I’m twice your age, Noah. You’re smart enough to know we’d never be accepted by your family or even the town. What would your clients think if they knew you were datin’ your ex’s dad?”
“It wouldn’t be any of their damn business. And since when is our age difference an issue?”
I slide out from under the covers and grab my boots.
The longer I stay, the harder this’ll be.
Fuck, it already is.
“Answer me,” she hisses, sitting up on the mattress.
Once my shoes are on, and I pocket my phone, I turn and shrug. “It’s always been an issue, Goldie. I just ignored it. Perhaps I shouldn’t have, and things wouldn’t have escalated to now.”
She scoots to the edge of the bed and stomps over to me, jerking out her chin. “You’re full of shit. You’re tryin' to be a good dad and do the right thing, and I get that, but you don’t get to devalue what we had just because you want me to move on. I love you, Fisher, and nothin’ you can say or do will change that.”
