Page 52 of Chaos Destiny
He’d polished off two plates and filled up on water, to which the cook had added steeped peach rinds to celebrate today’s haul.
I nudged him back. “Nothing.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I’m just glad you’re here.”
“It still seems surreal.” He looked at Thandie draped over Gage’s shoulder. “I feel like maybe I died, and I’m waiting for mySixth Sensemoment, you know?”
“You’re here, though. Like I knew you’d be.”
“Barely. I don’t know how you can stand to look at me.”
I spun around on the bench seat and met his eyes. “Easy. I love you, Julien Hunter. I love every bump, bruise, and twig from now until forever.”
He took one of my hands and kissed my palm.
I started to ask Gage whether he would mind keeping Thandie for the night, but he wasstillwatching Tayler. Plus, the request would have been selfish; there was no way Julien was ready for sex, of any kind, on his first night back. Several times during dinner, I’d caught him dozing off, but his eyes snapped open whenever food was placed in front of him. When he wasn’t dozing or staring at Thandie, he stared off into space.
“Gage is good with the bab—with Thandie,” he said. “I’m glad she feels safe with him.”
“And she’ll feel safe with you,” I reassured him. “Just like I have to give you time, you have to give her time.”
“What are you giving me time for?”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, I don’t need time for that,” he insisted. “What if,” he leaned closer, his voice low, “you got on top and did all the work?”
“You can’t possibly think that sentence is sexy.”
“We could lie on our sides.”
“Will it be good for us both? Is that still important, or has that changed about you too?”
“What do you mean? What’s changed about me outside of my new sickly appearance?”
I sighed. “Your outlook, babe. It’s…darker.”
He turned me back around, pulled me into his chest, and set his chin on my head. “It’s nutrient deficiency. I probably have low vitamin D, omegas, vitamin B, and magnesium, at least. Those can all contribute to a depressive state.”
“As well as realizing you’re facing societal collapse with no way of determining whether your pregnant wife survived,” I said. “Babe, you have tofeelsome things. Yes, those are contributing factors, but had you been eating well and the same thing happened, you would have been just as affected.”
I felt him nod.
Then, I waited.
This was Julien, after all.
“The oxidative stress probably doesn’t help, either,” he added. “Without those nutrients, my body can’t use neurotransmitters correctly.”
“Don’t forget inflammation.”
“You’re right.”
Thandie’s tired gaze continued to sear into Julien, and I wondered what was going through her mind. Obviously, this new strange man was important to her mother, but it was as if she couldn’t determine whether that was enough to place her trust in him. Her eyes were giving me, “Mommy, are you sure about him?” vibes.
“Gage,” I called. “Did you get your room?”
