Page 59 of The Lover
I remembered freaking out then because I thought I might lose her to hypothermia.
Only now I was the one who was frozen.
Because she was shutting me out and it was crushing me.
Quietly, I left the room because there was nothing I could actually do. I made my way downstairs toward the study, because a drink was the only thing that made sense right now.
I poured the whiskey and sat down in the chair behind the desk. The one that used to belong to Sam. I thought about the horsewhipping he might give me if he was here right now.
“Yeah, Sam,” I said to the empty room. “Sorry about taking her virginity and knocking her up. For putting her through this crushing ordeal. But I’m sure you would understand… I really wanted her.”
I took a hard gulp. I tried to think about what this might mean going forward, but it was like my brain didn’t want to go there. All I knew for certain was that for next few days she was supposed to stay off her feet and rest as much as possible.
That, right now, was all I could handle.
Sixteen
Ellie
August
It was time. I was fully recovered. Really I had been after a few days, but the only thing Jake could do for me was pamper me, so he insisted I stay in bed for five days and then wouldn’t let me leave the house for another three after that.
Then it was another few days of walking on eggshells around me until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
So it was time. I had my most important stuff packed and already in the truck, just a suitcase and my scales. I would come back for the rest later. I wasn’t even really sure why I was taking my scales. It’s not like I wouldn’t eventually be coming back here, but the thought of being without them was too upsetting.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, thinking about twelve weeks ago when I had told Jake I was pregnant. I had said those words like they were the words of doom. I knew Jake wanted kids. I had always known that about him. And the first experience of having children that I gave him was a really crappy announcement followed up by a miscarriage.
What a particularly horrible way for our story to end.
I heard the back door open, and I tensed.
I was not going to cry through this. I was not. I was going to say what I had to say and then I was going to leave with some modicum of dignity. At the very least our story deserved that.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked as soon as he came into the kitchen.
So damn beautiful, I thought. Just a stupid t-shirt and jeans and he was smoking hot. And he was mine. Or had been for a little while. I could at least have that.
“Fine,” I answered. The same thing I answered any time he asked.
“Ellie, what is it? I can tell something is wrong.”
“I’m leaving.”
There, I said it. I let out this woosh of breath.
“I don’t… what do you mean?”
“I’m going back to the room above the Hair Stop. I’ll see if I can get my job back at Frank’s. Chrissy will be heading back to school soon.”
He was shaking his head.
“I’m not following.”
“I’m done, Jake. I can’t dothisanymore. We’re not married. We have no reason to be married now, and I’m done.”
“Done with me,” he said tightly. “You don’t want me anymore. Why don’t you say it one more time? I’ve been feeling it for the past two weeks!”
