Page 25 of Jackson's Redemption
I huffed out a laugh. “No? You don’t like listening to women sob in despair? But so many men do.”
He came closer, his hands on my arms, shaking me a little so I would look at him. “I don’t like hearingyoucry. It makes me feel your pain, and it makes me feel like that pain is deep.”
“It’s endlessly deep,” I whispered. “I don’t know if it’s ever going to go away.” Although out here, with Jackson, the grief had felt lighter. Easier to hold even though I hadn’t let it go.
“Then we’ll have to give you something else to counterbalance it,” he said, moving me closer to him.
I put my hands on his hips and thought what it would mean to lose myself in his arms. To just let him hold me and pretend he could take away all the pain.
“It’s not fair to you,” I told him even as I rested my head against the expanse of his chest. He brought his arms more closely around me and, for a second, I gave into the luxury of being held by a man of his size.
“You let me worry about what’s fair, Kate.”
“No.”
I forced myself to let go of him, to take a step back. I ran my hands through my hair and redid my ponytail, just so I wouldn’t be tempted to lean on him again. Because he was absolutely the absence of pain.
“I’m using you,” I snapped at him. “Don’t you get it? You’re like a crutch. Why would you tolerate that?”
He looked away from me, off into the distance, doing his thinking routine. It was strange, but the cop in me might have thought those deliberate pauses were about taking the time he needed to figure out how to lie to me.
My woman’s intuition said something entirely different. That he was trying to tell me the best version of the truth. His truth.
Ultimately, he said. “That’s my business.”
I huffed and threw my arms out because that wasn’t an answer at all. “Can we just keep looking for animals?”
He grunted, and I continued to follow him. We went about another mile before he held his hand up as a signal to stop.
He was looking at the bark on a tree. Then he went to the next tree. Then he stopped by a pile of poop that looked to be steaming it was so fresh. He gestured to me with a finger over his lips that we needed to be silent from here on out. I nodded in return.
Every step we took cautiously, any time I snapped a twig, I winced. Then we came around a heavy brush that opened to a clearing. And right there, in the center, was a large grizzly bear with three cubs.
I sucked in my breath and he gave me the silent gesture again. I showed him my camera asking if it was okay to take pictures and he nodded. Then he wrapped a hand around my neck and brought his mouth right up against my ear. I could feel his beard along my neck and tried not to be aroused by it.
“No sudden motions. That’s a momma with her babies. Makes her even more dangerous. Understand?” His words were soft and muted, and I nodded to let him know I heard every word.
Trying to do as instructed, I kept my motions smooth as I moved the digital camera to my face. I turned off the clicking feature that made a sound with each shot then I started to shoot. Picture after picture of three bear cubs having a heck of a time playing with each other while their momma watched.
It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen, and Jackson sat patiently next to me the entire time. I hoped he was enjoying it, too. Eventually the momma made a noise, a half bark, and the cubs came to attention as they wandered off in the direction opposite us.
Instinctively, I wanted to follow but Jackson caught my hand.
“She’s got to feed them. And I’ve got to go feed you. We need to go back.”
He was right. I checked the view in the back of my camera. Jackson looked over my shoulder to see the pictures I’d taken.
“You’re good,” he noted.
More like lucky. I had gotten a bunch of amazing shots without the animals knowing we were here. Completely at ease in their natural habitat.
Silently we made our way to the cabin and it wasn’t until we were nearly there that I realized two things. I’d held Jackson’s hand the entire time, and I was smiling.
* * *
Kate
“That was the best day!” I said as we sat around the fire eating, Jackson sat across from me on a stump, while I occupied the log.
