Page 45 of Mostly My Boss
I found the top of his jeans and undid the button.
“Ethan, are you awake?”
He moaned when I pushed my hand into his jeans and found his dick. He was thicker than I’d thought he would be—the rest of him was so lanky. And he started to get hard as soon as I stroked him.
Leaning toward him, I found his mouth and we kissed. This was Ethan and I was kissing him. He tasted like beer and it made me like the taste when, the whole time I’d been drinking it tonight, I thought it sucked.
But being drunk did not suck. Being drunk was what gave me the courage to do this. To kiss Ethan and touch his dick and pull his pants down his hips far enough so that I could roll the condom on him.
He rolled toward me and his hand was on my boob, kneading it, and I thought how it felt good, but that wasn’t really what this was about.
“Put it inside,” I whispered. Then it would be over. The thing that was holding me back. The thing that made me undesirable to him, I believed. The real reason I was so unfuckable. I was constantly signaling people to back off, that I wasn’t to be touched. I could change all of that tonight.
“Jules? What are you doing?” He was groggy, and his words were slurred. I didn’t want to remind him I was a virgin. It would only freak him out to realize what we were doing. I just wanted it to be over, so I lifted my leg over his hips and reached down to put him inside me.
He was right there, and it stung a bit so I bit down hard on my bottom lip. Then his hand was on my ass and he thrust his hips toward me and…
“Ahhh!” Fuck! That hurt. Like, way worse than the first time I used a tampon. But it was done. He was inside me.
He rolled his body so that he was on top of me, then he started to do what guys did, I guessed. It didn’t hurt as much after a few pumps of his hips, and when I opened my eyes and saw his face above me, his eyes closed, I thought that this was good. This was who it was supposed to be.
I lifted my head and kissed him. That feeling of his tongue in my mouth while he still continued to push inside me, that felt really good. Like we were connected along all the parts of our bodies.
Yes! This was sex. I was having sex.
“Ethan,” I panted, my hands on his ass, feeling it contract as he worked inside of me even deeper than he had before. So much it was almost uncomfortable, but then he thrust hard once and groaned into my neck.
“Jules.” A ragged sound dragged from his throat, almost like he was hurting as much as I had.
He slipped out of me then and rolled onto his back with a moan.
Okay, so it wasn’t the best first time.They probably never are, I thought, even as I pulled the blanket over us. I turned toward him and rested my cheek on his chest. We usually didn’t cuddle when we slept together, but now, it was different.
We’d had sex so it was okay to touch him.
My last coherent thought was that we were in Nicki’s bed. We should move over to mine, but I was so drowsy I couldn’t make myself do it.
Just a quick nap. Then we’d move.
* * *
The next morning
I wasn’t going to cry. I wasn’t. I couldn’t. I sat in the tiny powder room dressed only in my T-shirt and thought about how bad my head hurt. Crying would only make that worse. Then I thought about the dull ache between my legs and tears threatened again.
“Shit, fuck, shit,” I whispered. Hoping desperately Ethan didn’t wake up. Knowing, eventually, he would.
And he would know what I’d done. I’d been drunk. Did that work as an excuse for practically raping a guy? After all, guys got away with it all the time.
“Shit.”
He was going to be so mad. He was going to say he’d been out of it, that he didn’t know what he was doing. He was going to say it was wrong and that I shouldn’t have pushed the issue. He was going to say I took advantage of him and he’d be right.
I hadn’t been thinking. I’d just been feeling.
I’d barely admitted to myself that I thought of Ethan like that and I know he didn’t think of me like that at all! Which was going to make him even madder knowing that I’d tricked him when he was drunk. Taken the choice out of his hands by pulling on his dick.
He had a really thick penis—
