Page 47 of Mostly My Boss
Cringing, because apparently I was a foul human being, I skulked across campus to his dorm. He’d had a spare key made for me. I let myself inside and closed the door behind me knowing, absolutely knowing, this was fucked up.
But I knew something else, too. If he did wake up, if he did remember, that was going to be the end of us. Ethan wouldn’t be able to handle the emotional impact of taking my virginity, let alone the idea that I’d wanted to have sex with him in the first place. Both of those things would push him away.
I couldn’t lose Ethan. But more importantly, I knew he couldn’t lose me.
I crawled into his bed, smelling his scent on his pillow, then I let myself cry.
* * *
“Jules. Jules, wake up.”
I could feel someone shaking my shoulder and it took me a second to put all the pieces into place. Drunk, sex, lying to Ethan.
I sat up and saw Ethan sitting on the edge of his bed. He looked…
Wrecked.
“Hey,” I said, not knowing what was going to happen next.
“Hey.” He swallowed and sighed. “Remember when I said I would do something to fuck us up…I think I did it.”
He knew. Shit. I shook my head. “No, you didn’t do anything. It was my—”
“I did,” he snapped. “I’m just going to say it. I fucked Nicki last night. It must have been after the bar. I remember leaving with you but nothing after that. Do you remember?”
“Nicki?” I asked. That didn’t make any sense. “No. It was—”
“I know. I’m an asshole. But it happened and you’ll get over it. You have to.”
“I don’t understand,” I said, shaking my head.
“We were drunk. You’re here, so I’m guessing we came back to my room but, at some point, I left?”
“I…I don’t know.”
Nicki? He thought he’d slept with Nicki. Because he woke up in her bed?
He nodded then ran his hand through his hair. “How pissed at me are you right now?”
“I…I’m not pissed at you, Ethan.” That much was true. I’d done the awful thing and I needed to tell him. If for no other reason than he thought he’d slept with Nicki.
“Nicki said you would be. I agreed.”
“Nicki said? You’ve seen her today?”
“Jules, are you not fucking paying attention? I told you I fucked her last night. I woke in bed with her and the condom was still on my dick if you want specifics. I don’t remember shit about it, but I can’t deny it happened.”
Nicki. Who liked Ethan and had tried to hook up with him all last semester. Nicki, who told me to leave the room and just hope Ethan wouldn’t remember.
“That bitch,” I whispered. She’d done this. Told me to leave then gotten into bed with Ethan. Why wouldn’t he think he’d been with her?
“No. It’s not her fault. It’s mine.”
He was wrong. It was mine. I’d done this. I needed to tell him the truth. I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t make the words come out.
This is what I’d wanted. For him not to remember. For us to go on like we were.
“It’s okay,” I mumbled.
