Page 48 of Mostly My Boss
“Okay?” His eyebrows scrunched together like that bothered him. “You’re okay with me fucking your roommate in your room?”
I blinked. And then it came to me in a flash. Because I wouldn’t be okay with him fucking my roommate. It would force me to change how I thought about him. How I felt about him. I was sure of it.
“You should date her.”
“Date her?”
“Yeah, she likes you.” Obviously enough to be super deceitful. I swallowed. “And you need to do more than just hook up or you’re never going to figure out how to be in a relationship.”
“Hello? Have you met me? Since when did you get the idea I wanted anything to do with a relationship?”
“It’s like learning anything else. You have to practice, Ethan. You should date her.”
He frowned at me and I, not for the first time, wished I could see inside his head. “I guess since I can’t really remember what happened, I owe her at least being sober the next time.”
The next time. He was actually going to date her and fuck her for real. Because of me. Because of my lies. I struggled to swallow, not wanting to hurl in his bed. I could stop this. I could tell him. I could say it was all a lie.
Oh shit. Oh shit. He was going to fuck Nicki! What had I done?
No, let him do it. It will end your feelings for him. Hard. Cold turkey.
“How does that make you feel?” he asked.
Horrible. Gutted. Jealous as fucking hell. None of the things I should be feeling if he was truly my friend. Which only made me more upset, because if we weren’t friends I didn’t know what we are.
“Fine. I’m good. I don’t have a problem.”
He stared at me.
“It’s not going to freak me out or anything if that’s what you’re worried about. I mean I don’t want to be…around you two. That would be awkward. Obviously.”
His eyebrows bunched together. “You’re really okay with this? Me and Nicki?”
NO! I WASN’T OKAY!
He could hear that, couldn’t he?
“We’re friends,” I told him, trying to hang on to reason. “Just friends. I can’t get pissed over who you decide to hook up with or date. I haven’t all year. Why would it be different with Nicki?”
His face was blank. I had no idea what he was thinking and I didn’t like it.
“Right. Friends. Okay. I’m going to take a shower and then Nicki and I are going to get breakfast. You want to come?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t see her. I couldn’t sit across from her knowing what she’d done. What I’d done on top of that.
“No, you guys do your thing. I’ll just head back to the room.”
I got out of his bed and thought about what this would mean. When he was in my room he’d be there because of her. And it wasn’t like we would be able to hang out, just the two of us. No matter how innocent he thought it was, I knew it wasn’t.
So I’d screwed us up anyway.
Tell him the truth. Just tell him and we’ll deal with it.
I considered what I knew about him and Nicki. There was no way that would last. She might try to hold on to him, but holding on to Ethan was like trying to catch mist.
Not like me and Ethan. We would make it through this. All I had to do was let the lie exist and tolerate whatever was going to happen between him and Nicki. Then any romantic or sexual feelings I had for him would be squashed like a bug. And in the end, our friendship would be even stronger.
What was a couple of weeks? Months?
