Page 62 of Mostly My Boss
Of course I got her number.
I have an apartment. I have a “day” bed. I have two forks, a knife, and a spoon. There is nothing on the walls, so nothing is bothering me…yet.
I have my Macbook Air and my brain. It’s starting to come together.
Ethan
* * *
Ethan,
You’ll be happy to know I drenched your letter in bleach to eliminate the evidence of where you are. It took a while for your parents to find me (sophomore Julie with no last name stumped them) until they brought a photo with them. It was a picture of me I didn’t even know you’d taken that they got from your phone. Next time I catch you taking pictures of me unaware, I’m going to slap you.
Anyway, they found me, they demanded answers, I had none to give them. Do me a favor and send them a letter. Let them know you’re all right. They’re your parents, and as twisted as they might be, they love you. Says the girl who knows what it’s like to lose one.
School is fine. A little empty. A little boring. I’m joining things in an effort to make friends. It’s not working very well. I think I might be…difficult?
Daniel says hey. He broke up with his girlfriend…shocking! He’s dating a senior prelaw. He says his days of NASCAR racing are now behind him and he’s more committed than ever to getting into Harvard Law.
Write back with more words. My letters are always longer than yours. That’s not equal.
Julia
* * *
Harvard
Julia
I was walking to class, huddled in my coat, my hand wrapped around a cup of coffee for the warmth more than anything else. I had about a dozen things that needed to get done before the Christmas break when everything would shut down around the school.
Another year of not going home. Another year of spending the holiday alone.
Ethan had offered to fly me to Iowa, but it felt too much like charity.
A wave of loss came over me and I brushed it aside. He wasn’t here, but it wasn’t like he was ever far away. The letters connected us in a way I didn’t think phone calls or texts would have.
Like we were having these conversations outside of real time and space. Nothing so boring as the daily mundane routine. Instead the letters would come, and it was like getting a glimpse of his life without actually seeing him.
And I would send him only a glimpse of my life because I didn’t want him to know how dull it was without him.
Daniel thought I should stop writing him. Thought our relationship wasn’t exactly healthy. Like I was holding on to something I couldn’t let go of instead of moving forward with my life. Maybe it wasn’t bad advice, but I didn’t take it. Because if I stopped writing to Ethan, he might let me go and I didn’t want to know what that felt like.
“Julia!”
I turned at the sound of my name. It was an older man, in a long wool coat, running toward me. I recognized Edward Moss immediately.
Oh shit, what now? Last year, they’d tracked me down on campus and tried to force me to tell them where Ethan was. Mrs. Moss had been there that day, too, and her crying had almost broken me but, in the end, I wouldn’t betray Ethan.
If they were going to reconcile, that needed to come from Ethan. I think it was that realization that finally convinced them there was nothing I could give them.
I waited until he approached me. “Mr. Moss, if this is about Ethan…”
He held up his hand to cut me off. “It is and it isn’t. I’m not here to ask you where he is. I just…you’re still communicating with him?”
I nodded.
“How…how is he?”
