Page 5 of Mostly My Boss
“Have you ever told him that before?” Carol asked me.
“I might have,” I said petulantly. “If he hadn’t left me.”
I winced again even as his whole body got tight. My words were like a knife I could use to stab him.You left me. You left me. Jab. Jab. Jab.
It was a total bitch move. I wanted to choke on it because I knew he was still in so much pain. But I couldn’t stop.
“You seem upset by what you said, Julia,” Carol pointed out.
“It was mean,” I admitted. “And bitchy. I’ve been nothing but mean and bitchy to him since he came back, and I hate it. Hate how it makes me sound.”
There. That was honest.
She nodded. “And why is that, do you think? Why have you been mean to Ethan?”
I blinked and something snapped inside my head. “BECAUSE I’M SO FUCKING PISSED AT HIM!”
I’d shouted it so loudly there was no doubt anyone in the lobby of her office suite would havehad heard it. My tea sloshed over the rim of the cup and I was grateful for the sting of hot water on my hand to help keep me focused. I set the tea on the end table next to my chair and folded my hands together in my lap as if I hadn’t just shouted at the top of my lungs.
“Ethan,” Carol said, turning her attention to him. “Does this anger make sense to you?”
“Yeah. Yes. It does. I’ve been pissing Julia off for years. Since we met, actually, so it doesn’t surprise me. But we…we can’t really talk about it. With each other. That’s why I thought we should try this.”
“Anger implies feelings and emotions. Deep anger naturally means deeper emotions. So let’s talk about that. Ethan, you say you want tofixthings. Do you mean your working relationship with Julia? Are you hoping that this counseling will end with her working for you again?”
“No,” he said gruffly. “I don’t give a fuck about that.”
I stiffened. Our working relationship was the glue that had held us together. And he didn’t give afuckabout it? Fuck him!
Fortunately, I was able to avoid the shouting this time.
“And Julia?”
Why had I come? Why couldn’t I just walk away? Once and for all just leave Ethan behind me and start a new life without him as the center of it?
Why couldn’t I do that?
The silence stretched out for a few moments.
“Let’s try another approach,” Carol said, leaning back in her chair. “Usually the first question I ask of any of my couples is—how long have you been together? Easy enough to answer. But for you two, I think I have to ask something else entirely. Ethan, Julia, how long have you two been in love?”
Well, I suppose that was the question.
Neither one of us had anything to say, of course.
“Okay,” she said, smiling. “That’s a hard one. How about something easier? How did you two meet?”
That, at least, we could answer.
* * *
Then
Harvard
Julia
You belong here. You’ve earned your place here. You can do this.
