Page 68 of Personal Foul
“You’re going to make me say it? Really?” Her eyes flash up to mine and then over my shoulder.
“Say what?” I can feel my gut sinking.
“East I can’t do what we’ve been doing anymore. I mean we need to work on the project, yes. And I’m sorry I haven’t done enough there. I promise I’ll pick up the slack on that. We can find a time to meet—”
“I don’t fucking care about the project right now. Just get to what you’re trying to say.” The words come out much harsher than I mean them. Because I know a brush-off when it’s coming. I’ve doled enough of them out in my life to know exactly what the precursor sounds like.
“But other than the project, I think we just need to go back to however things were before.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t have time for anything else. I can’t be available for parties and sex and staying out until the wee hours of the morning. I have responsibilities.”
“I haven’t asked you for any of those things.”
“No, but those things are what got me into trouble in the first place. It’s why I wasn’t here when he needed me. It’s why I should have never gone on that vacation in the first place. I don’t get to have the life you have East. I have the life I have here, and I have to stay focused on it. Him being sick, it’s complicated everything—with him, with the bar, with the finances—fuck… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be talking about it. Anyway, the point is. I have too much on my plate. I don’t have the time to give you. I wish it was different.”
“I don’t want to steal your time, Wren. I just want to be here for you. The rest of it can wait.”
She presses her lips together and closes her eyes, staring down at the bricks at her feet for a minute.
“I don’t want you to wait. I don’t know when this ends. If it ever ends. And I like you. I honestly can’t say a bad word about you, East. You were amazing. You have been amazing through all of this. Which is exactly why I don’t want to ruin this by complicating it or fucking it up. I’d rather remember it as the fun it was, okay? So please, please just try to understand where I’m coming from?”
“If that’s what you need, okay,” I say, and it takes everything—everything—I have in me not to argue with her. Because I can feel the burn in my chest as I hear the conviction in her voice and know this is over. That she’s not going to budge. Anything I say will just make it messy. And the least I can do is not make her life more difficult than it is right now.
“But I’m still with you on the project. I know how important it is to you. It still is to me too. We’ll get together soon. I’ll find time next week, and we can finalize the plans for the reopening and make sure everything is set for all the spots we’ve booked with the local news and radio stations. I’ve got someone who can help with the online ads too” She immediately goes into business mode and I’m just trying to hang on. Trying to act like all of this is perfectly fucking fine.
“Yeah. Just let me know.” I nod, trying to keep my tone even.
“I will. Thank you,” her eyes lift to mine for a second, and then she turns to head off to her next class.
Meanwhile, I’m left standing here, wondering how I could do everything I thought was right and still lose her.
TWENTY-NINE
Wren
A few weekslater and my Gramps is safely in a rehab facility, recovering and making good progress. Enough that he can talk some and has ordered me back to the bar and school full time instead of spending all day “pestering” him. He keeps telling me that’s the best way I can help him recover; by getting out of his hair and letting the nurses boss him around instead.
I’m doing my best to honor his request, even if I do occasionally sneak in a longer-than-usual visit by convincing him to play a round of Texas Hold’em. I smile as I wipe the bar top thinking of him. There’s still a lot of ground to cover with his recovery and some hills that he might not be able to fully climb. I still have a little pit of worry in my stomach every time I think about it, but I at least have more hope than I did before. Which is what I have to stay focused on.
“Two more beers at table six. A cranberry vodka and a gin and tonic for the girls at table ten.” Tammy puts her order in with me and leans against the bar. “How you doin’ tonight girly?”
“Just tired. Better than I was a few weeks ago though.”
“Well, that’s good. You need to get out. Get back with your friends. Have some normal time, you know?” She watches me while I prep the drinks for her.
“I know. They’ve been good to me, and I owe them a girls’ night. I wouldn’t have made it without them.”
“And what about that boy who was bringing you around here for a bit when Gramps first got sick? The one who keeps coming by to talk to Tom and has been working on your reopening plans.”
“He’s just a friend. The reopening is that project we’re working on together for class.”
“Baby girl, he doesn’t give a shit about your project. And the onlyjusthe’s tryin’ to do isjusttrying to get you out of your panties. Again, I assume.”
I can’t help but snicker a little and shake my head.
“Tell me what you really think.” I grin at her.
