Page 88 of Reverse Pass
“I wanted to see you. I want the chance to prove to you it’s not over between us.”
“It’s over Cameron. It’s been over for months now, and you absolutely know it’s been over since Halloween.”
“I know I fucked up at Halloween. I was immature about you being with someone else. I realize now how hypocritical I was. It was your choice who you slept with while we were on a break, and I should have respected it the same way you did my choices.”
“No shit, asshole.” I shake my head. I’m too upset right now to say anything reasonable or levelheaded. Plus I’d tried that before and this is where it got me.
“Can we please keep this civil?”
“Civil? Is it civil to show up to my family holiday weekend unannounced to try to strong arm me back into a relationship with you?”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
“Then what are you trying to do? Enlighten me.” I sit on the bed, crossing my arms and he leans back against the desk in the room.
A flashback from last night comes burning back into my mind, and my heart goes tight with the memory of Ben. The way he had looked at me, the things he said. I wanted to jump up now and run to look for him and apologize, beg him to forgive me.
“I want a chance to say what I should have said when I saw you last. I honestly am sorry. I was blindsided. I owe you an apology for all of that fucking bravado shit I said.”
“You owe Ben an apology too.”
“That’s probably true.”
“Itistrue. He didn’t do anything wrong. He just got stuck in the middle and you were awful to him.”
“Yeah. I thought about that.” He honestly sounds like he is sorry, and I will give him a smidgen of credit for it. Not that it does much in this context.
“So what is it you want to say? And before you say anything, you should know that I literally cannot imagineanythingyou could say that will change my mind at this point. I’m so far over us, I don’t even think about it, or you. I’m not saying that to be mean, I just want you to know where things stand.”
His face falters with those words. I know they come out harsh, but it would be what I would want to know before I poured my heart out to someone. Especially if they knew they were just going to reject me anyway.
“If that’s the case, why does your family still think we’re together?” Anger laces his tone.
“You know how my mother is. I haven’t talked to her much in the last few months, and I haven’t wanted to hear her go on about how old I am and how you’re a doctor, and the million other objections she’s going to have about our breakup.”
“You think she’s not going to be thrilled to hear about Ben though.”
I feel like I walked right into this trap.
“Except she doesn’t know about that either, does she?” His eyes sparkle with that knowledge.
“Why would I share the details of my private life with her?”
“Because his mother is her best friend? You’re all here together, having a cozy holiday.”
“All the more reason it’s no one’s business.”
“Does your best friend know?”
“Cameron. I thought your point here was to convince me I made a mistake in saying things were over between us.”
“I just think it’s interesting they don’t know we’re over, and they also don’t know about Ben. Feels like that might be your subconscious trying to keep the door open for us.”
I laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous, Cam.”
“I’m not being ridiculous. I’m being honest. Maybe you should try it. Seems like you’re keeping secrets from a lot of people these days and that doesn’t seem healthy.”
“I feel like we’re retreading old ground in regard to your honesty. Do you have something new to say or not?” I really want him to focus on us rather than on Ben and me. I don’t even want him to talk about Ben right now.
