Page 75 of Overtime
I run my fingers over my lips as I stare at it, trying to process it along with all the other emotions I’m having lately when it comes to him.
“He shouldn’t have done that.”
“But he did. Because he cares about you—a lot, Joss. You need to take this in the spirit he meant it, and you need to not freak out on him about it. I love you lots, and I have your back all of the time, but on this one, you will break his heart if you don’t listen to me. And I love him too.” Violet gives me a meaningful look.
I start crying then because I don’t know why exactly. I can’t process emotions like this. The kind of tender thoughtfulness he shows all the time isn’t something I’m used to. People don’t treat me with kid gloves. People besides Ben and Violet don’t buy me thoughtful gifts to try and help soothe my anxiety—and they sure as fuck do not buy me entire fucking studios to make my life easier. The only gifts I’ve ever gotten from men were because they wanted something in return. But he was going to keep it a secret and let me think it came from our friends rather than tell me. Just to protect my feelings and keep things good between us before I leave.
The soft stream of tears coming out of my eyes turns into an all-out ugly cry, and I buckle over at my waist. Violet runs over to me.
“Joss! Oh my god. What’s wrong? Joss, he meant well. I promise you.”
“No. No. I know he did it’s just, Violet, I’ve fucked up so horribly.” I crouch down to the floor because I feel like I might topple over if I don’t.
“Fucked up how?” She leans down and wraps her arms around me.
“Because I love him. Like an idiot. We’re supposed to be fixing our friendship and instead, I love him.” I sob into her shoulder. I’ve cried more in the last few weeks here than I’ve cried in years.
“Joss, it’s okay. You’re allowed to love him. We all love him.”
“No, Vi. I’min lovewith him. And I—” I try to get air in my lungs. “I don’t know what to do with that. Or how to tell him. If Ishouldtell him. I don’t know what to do with being in love with someone. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel safe. It feels like everything that matters to me is just out there, exposed for anyone to fuck up and trash at any given moment.”
“I promise it’s not that bad.”
“It is that bad. I told you when I came here, Violet. He’s not Ben. Ben’s in love with you above everything else. Colt is in love with football. Just like I’m in love with my work. It’s the one thing we get about each other.”
“I don’t think that’s true. I think Colt has plenty of room to love you as much as football. More even.”
“It’s true. He told me so himself. He said it’s the reason he’s single. That any woman is second place. That it’s football before all else for him. All he cares about; all he gets up and does every day is try to get the team to the finish line. And I get it. He has a lot of people he wants to prove wrong. Just like I did when I was his age. His parents. His hometown. His ex. Her asshole of a husband. All these fucking sports reporters who I have to listen to all the fucking time say that he’s anything but amazing. Saying that there are guys better than him. It’s bullshit, honestly. I should send them all glitter bombs in the mail for being morons. Celebrate their stupidity in style.”
“I think we’re getting off track…”
“I just… fuck all of those people. I want to see him prove them wrong. I get why he says he doesn’t have room for anything else.”
“He made room for you these last few weeks. I haven’t seen him this happy and vibrant in a long time. I mean, Colt’s never unhappy, you know? He’s always stoic and smiling. Making little jokes when he can. But since you’ve been here… he’s been a different person. The guys have all noticed and commented on it. I just didn’t want to tell you because again… I didn’t want it to upset you.”
“Jesus, you all act like I’m a fragile little thing who’s going to break at any moment,” I grump.
“Not break. Pretty sure you’re unbreakable. But run? You’re good at the running.” Violet eyes me carefully.
“I’m good at getting out of the way and staying out of places I don’t belong. Making sure that I don’t fuck up people’s lives, and I ran because I wasn’t good for him, Violet. He deserved so much better than me. A person who couldn’t even return simple affection when he was already so heartbroken over his ex. All I could think back then was how suffocating the idea of a relationship was. I felt like a monster.”
“Well, you’re not a monster now. You just said yourself, you’re in love with him.”
“And what am I supposed to do with that?”
“Be the badass bitch you are and fucking own up to it. Tell him.”
I press my lips together and glare at her. “Yes, Violet. I will just tell the most eligible bachelor in the country who also just happens to be the most famous quarterback, that no big deal, I’m in love with him. And when I run away because my biological clock strikes midnight, and I’m about to turn into a fucking pumpkin, he’ll find out and decide yes, that’s what he wants all along—being married to a runaway pumpkin.”
“Joss, what the fuck are you talking about?”
“I don’t know Violet!” I yell, setting the deed papers down on her desk. “I’m going to be sick.”
“Okay. I think you just need to take some deep breaths right now.”
“Don’t try to yoga me out of this, Violet. Let me have my meltdown.”
“Fine. You do that. Then pull yourself together. Because I’m going to text Ben to tell Colt to take you out tonight and give you the deed. And to tell you it’s from him. And you are going to act insanely surprised and thankful and very cool about the entire thing. Because I’m not keeping these secrets anymore.”
