Page 66 of Dare to Dance
I jumped out then jogged up to her as she headed for the white clapboard church off to the right, her auburn hair swaying behind her. A faint outline of the mountains in the distance painted a backdrop against the cloudy sky. More snow drifted to the ground as my boots sank into the damp earth. Dodging headstones, I couldn’t shake the memory of my sister’s funeral or the days before when my mom found Karen’s body. Mom had screamed for hours until my old man gave her a sedative. My muscles coiled as I tried to erase my memories. Surrounded by death, I wasn’t sure I could.
Ruby finally stopped at a short gravestone that stood about two feet in height. The name on the gravestone read Riley Lewis. When I settled next to her, she reached out and grabbed my hand.
I jerked away. My mom had done the same thing in front of Karen’s coffin at the gravesite. One of her small hands had grabbed mine, and the other had grabbed Kody. She would’ve gathered all of us if Kade hadn’t been consoling Kelton. He’d been an emotional basket case at the funeral, more so than any of us.
“Please. I want you to understand how emotionally drained I was to even contact you after Raven was born. You need the whole story. Riley is Raven’s twin.”
A freaky sound escaped me as though someone had taken a sledgehammer and swung it across my back, knocking the wind straight from my lungs. Death. Again. And not just family, but someone I’d created.
Holy motherfucker.
“Join me,” Ruby whispered, squeezing my hand and jarring me from my numb state.
I lowered to my knees because I had to. Otherwise, I would’ve fallen flat on my ass. The wetness sank into my jeans as I sat on my heels. “Twin?”
“She was stillborn. Doctor said it was a genetic defect.” Her tone was melancholy.
I had no words. I didn’t even know how I should feel. This girl had rendered me speechless so many times since I’d found her in that underground fight. Today wasn’t any different. In my book, Ruby’s life was something Hollywood would probably put on the big screen. She’d gotten pregnant at sixteen. I’d left her without a word. Her mom and dad were in prison for drugs. Ruby lived on the streets and fought in illegal fights. She’d been in jail, lost Raven to social services, and lost a baby. Recounting all that, I blinked to ward off the dizzy feeling. I was beginning to realize how my parents felt over the loss of a child.
Ruby’s hands landed on my cheeks as she knelt facing me. “Are you in there, Kross?”
I blinked again. Her pretty face helped to calm me for the moment.
She dipped into her back pocket and removed an envelope. Then she pulled out pictures. She flipped through them then held up one. “My mom took this before the nurses carried away Riley.” She handed me the photo. “Riley is on the right with the nurse in blue. My mom is holding Raven on the left.”
Riley had a head full of black hair just like Raven. I clenched my jaw. I should’ve been there. I should’ve returned Ruby’s calls. My breathing grew shallow.
Ruby’s cold wet hands were on my face again. “I’m so, so sorry, Kross. I should’ve found you. My mom wanted me to, but I told her you didn’t want anything to do with me. Then my dad got arrested, and things got crazy.”
I curled my fingers around her small wrists. Guilt, anger, heartbreak, and devastation competed for a spot within me. But as my dad had said, we couldn’t change the past. I wanted to so fucking bad, though.
“Say something,” Ruby pleaded.
I glanced at the picture of my girls.Get your shit together. Be the man who your father believes you to be. Be the father that Raven needs.
Big fat snowflakes were falling at a rapid rate. I wasn’t sure I could speak. The memories of my past, my sister, and this new news of Riley were more than suffocating.
Ruby’s face scrunched. “Kross?”
“I wished I would’ve been there for you,” I said as calmly as I could, hoping the irritation that I harbored at myself didn’t come through. I wobbled as I pushed to my feet.
She jumped up and caught my arm. “Are you okay?”
Hell, no.“The snow is getting heavier.”
She stuck her hands on her hips. “Talk to me, Kross. You wanted to know my story. You wanted answers. So now you have them. All of them.” Her bottom lip overlapped the top, trembling slightly.
Fuck.“I’m just mad at myself,” I said in a flat tone. “We should get on the road.” I started for my truck.
I needed to get my head around Ruby, my daughters, my fucking life. My heavy boots pressed into the earth. With each step, I swore the dead were reaching out of the ground and pulling me down. I glanced at the picture of my girls, tiny and precious, and my heart broke into a million fucking pieces. I shoved down my emotions or else I wouldn’t be able to drive. I reached the truck and opened the passenger door for Ruby, but she wasn’t there. I pivoted on my heel and froze. She stood in the distance like a statue, almost blending in with the scenery if not for her auburn hair contrasting with the gray and white colors around us. I shivered at the way her gaze bore into me as though she was trying to get into my mind and will me to come back to her. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t break her if I touched her. If I kissed her, I was afraid I wouldn’t stop until I sucked out all her oxygen so I could breathe.
I closed my eyes. The snowflakes hit my face, the coldness a welcome relief to the inferno inside me. I relished the quietness even if just for a second. As more snow covered my face, I thought about my mom. She’d always told us boys that snow was an angel’s blanket. How ironic that I was among the dead in a cemetery with snow falling. Maybe angels were present. Maybe they were watching over us. I hoped so.
Heaving a sigh, I pocketed the picture then stomped back to Ruby who hadn’t moved. I peered down to find remorse and sorrow swimming in her eyes. “I’m sorry again for not returning your calls. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you through Riley and Raven. I’m sorry I’ve been acting cold and weird. I’m just so angry with myself.”
“I’m at fault, too.” Tears pooled in her bright eyes. “You don’t need to apologize for being cold and weird. It’s a lot to take in.”
As I raked my gaze over this beautiful woman, I said, deep and firm, “I am your superman whether you want me to be or not.”
