Page 91 of A Rogue to Resist
Yet Drake had already shown his own vulnerability by revealing his intention to break his engagement. He had taken the first step.
Could she do any less?
“From our first meeting,” she began, her gaze fixed on the glowing embers of the fire, “you challenged everything I thought I knew about Halston men, about Earls of Greythorne, about my place in relation to the estate I had managed for so long.”
She glanced up to find him watching her with unwavering attention. “You argued with me—endlessly, it seemed. Over boundaries and repairs and supplies and priorities. But you listened too. Truly listened in a way Edmund never did. You valued my knowledge, my experience, my understanding of Greythorne’s people.”
Katherine drew a shaky breath. “At first, I told myself that my response to you was merely gratitude for this basic respect. Then I convinced myself it was professional satisfaction at being acknowledged as competent. But when we worked together with the tenants, when I saw your genuine concern for their welfare, your willingness to invest your own funds rather than let them suffer—”
She broke off, twisting her gloves more tightly. “I began to feel something I had not permitted myself to feel in years. Not since before my marriage to Edmund. Perhaps not ever.”
Drake remained silent, though she could see the rapid rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, the only outward sign of his reaction to her words.
“When I learned of your engagement to Lady Eleanor, I told myself it was for the best.” The admission cost her, but honesty demanded nothing less. “That you had found a suitable bride to satisfy the entail’s requirements. That your choice had nothing to do with me or my feelings. That I had no right to the pain that overwhelmed me at the news.”
Katherine forced herself to look directly at him now, to face whatever she might see in his expression. “I avoided you, avoided any place where we might meet. I told myself it was dignity that kept me away, but in truth, it was cowardice. I couldn’t bear to see you with her, to witness your happiness with another when I had only just realized how deeply I had come to care for you.”
Drake took a step toward her, then stopped, as if sensing she needed to complete her confession without interruption.
“Two weeks I’ve lived with this knowledge,” she continued, her voice gaining strength with each word. “Two weeks of regret and self-recrimination for not recognizing sooner what you had come to mean to me. For not having the courage to speak before your engagement was announced. For allowing my fears to overcome my heart.”
Katherine moved away from the fireplace, needing the physical movement to dispel some of the tension coursing through her. “Then Rosabel told me about the tension she observed between you and Lady Eleanor at the Countess of Westwick’s ball. How pained you looked when my name was mentioned.”
A small, rueful smile touched her lips. “She suggested I fight for what I want. A novel concept for me—fighting for my own happiness rather than others’. I’ve spent my life conforming to expectations, subordinating my desires to duty and propriety. Even at Greythorne, my advocacy was always for the tenants, never for myself.”
Her voice had begun to tremble so she paused, taking a gulping breath to restore a semblance of composure. “So I came here today, terrified but determined, to tell you that I love you, Drake Halston. Not as the Earl of Greythorne, not as the master of an estate I once managed, but as the man you are—honourable, intelligent, passionate about your responsibilities, and willing to challenge me as an equal rather than dismiss me as insignificant.”
The words hung in the air between them, changing everything with their simple truth. Katherine felt her breath catch as Drake finally moved, crossing the room with measured steps until he stood before her, close enough that she could seethe varying shades of grey in his eyes, the slight unevenness of his breathing.
“Katherine,” he said, her name a caress on his lips. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear those words? How thoroughly you have occupied my thoughts since our first meeting?”
Hope flared in her chest, but Katherine wasn’t finished. There were practical matters that had to be addressed, truths that needed to be acknowledged before they could move forward.
“There’s more you need to consider,” she said, resisting the urge to close the remaining distance between them. “I’m a widow, several years older than Lady Eleanor. And there’s the matter of the entail’s requirement for an heir.”
She swallowed hard, forcing herself to voice the fear that had haunted her since Edmund’s constant reminders of her failure. “I was married to Edmund for five years with no children. He was convinced the fault was mine—that I was barren or wilfully preventing conception. If he was right, if I truly cannot bear children—”
“Then we will face that together,” Drake interrupted, his voice gentle but firm. “The entail requires marriage and the attempt to produce an heir, nothing more. Whatever comes of that attempt will be what it will be, not a measure of your worth or our happiness together.”
Katherine’s eyes filled with tears at his words, at the simple acceptance they conveyed. “You truly mean that.”
“With all my heart,” Drake affirmed. “Besides, Edmund’s assessment means nothing to me. He was wrong about so many things, Katherine—most especially about you. And if I understand the successions, there are several families who took years to conceive but are now blessed with several offspring,your Lord Clifton being one of them. These matters are more complex than Edmund’s narrow understanding would allow.”
The reference to Lord Clifton brought another question to Katherine’s mind. “Why did you go to Thornfield Park that day? What compelled you to follow me?”
A hint of embarrassment coloured Drake’s features.
“I had called at Willow Park, hoping to speak with you about... feelings I was only beginning to understand myself. When I learned where you had gone, that your brother had arranged an introduction to Lord Clifton—” He shook his head ruefully. “It seems absurd in retrospect, but I had to see for myself whether you had found someone worthy of your trust.”
“So, you followed me,” Katherine said, wonder rather than accusation in her voice.
“I did,” Drake admitted. “And when I saw you walking with Lord Clifton through his rose garden, smiling that rare, genuine smile I had glimpsed so seldom during our work together—” He broke off, pain flashing across his features at the memory. “I was certain you had found in him what I had hoped you might find in me.”
“You saw me smile and assumed I had accepted his suit?” Katherine asked, disbelief mingling with a strange tenderness at his misunderstanding.
“You seemed comfortable with him,” Drake explained. “At ease in a way you rarely appeared with me. Our relationship had been built on disagreement and challenge from the beginning. I convinced myself that perhaps you needed something gentler, something less contentious than what I could offer.”
Katherine shook her head slowly, amazed at how thoroughly they had misunderstood each other. “I was at ease with Lord Clifton precisely because I felt nothing beyond polite regard for him. There was no risk in smiling at him, in engaging inpleasant conversation about his rose garden. He could not hurt me because I had no emotional investment in his good opinion.”
