Page 102 of Replay
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Spook couldn’t tolerate another minute—another second.He just couldn’t.The strain of faking smiles for the fans was giving him stomach ache, on top of the knots in his guts that were already threatening to make him puke.He didn’t want to shake hands, to pose for photographs, to be charming.He and Xane had avoided speaking to one another.They were avoiding making any sort of eye contact too.Not for their benefit, rather for Luthor’s.His fellow countryman was glowering beneath an outward façade of magnanimity.They all spent enough time in one another’s pockets that the masks they pulled on for the public were utterly transparent to one another.There’d be fireworks once the quayside had cleared and they were well away from anyone with a recording device.
Alle wanted to talk, he reminded himself.That was good.That was something.She hadn’t jettisoned him and gone straight to the airport.Nor, thank God, had she run to her brothers for comfort.
When the tour bus rolled into sight nearby, Spook looked longingly at its tinted windows.It wasn’t much, but it was an escape from the purgatory he was currently caught in.
Or not…
His shoulders jerked upwards as Dani and Ginny got off the bus.The vehicle rolled onwards, gently into the bowels of the boat, while they crossed the cordon and headed for the band.Dani was sporting sunglasses.Great big aviators that masked half her face.No need to ask why they were necessary when the sun was sinking behind the horizon.Dammit, this was not what he wanted.He liked her.She was crazy good for Xane.His friend had been much happier since she’d walked into his life.His troubles ought never to have impacted on that, or made Dani cry.
The two women were still a few metres away, when Sally suddenly decided that was it for the meet and greet.Time up, time to move on.Stop signing.Cameras off.She bustled them away from the crowd and onto the gangplank.Honestly, he wasn’t sure of the arrangements for tonight.Presumably, they were kipping on the boat, so they were all ready for the return to Southampton tomorrow.
Where was Alle?Had someone let her know what was happening?
Ash nudged him in the kidneys to get him moving.“You’ve fucked things up good and proper.Now you’re gonna have to fix them.”He jerked his head in the direction of the private lounge the band had used on the outward voyage.“In there.You, Xane, Luthor, and Dani.I’ll extract Ginny from the equation.Paul can entertain himself with Ronnie.”
None of that sounded like a plan Spook wanted to be any part of.He had zero sensible explanations for his behaviour.Zero.And he certainly wasn’t about to start explaining what had been going on in his head that had led to him and Xane tumbling about and getting way too damned intimate with one another.Even if he was inclined to make such an attempt—which he was not—he doubted he could assemble events into any sort of communicable coherence.It was never going to make any sense to anyone else.They would never understand the complexity of his emotions or why it was that Xane was the only one he truly felt able to let his guard down with.
Fact was, Siv’s appearance yesterday evening had hit him like a bombardment of mortars.He’d crumpled.Been utterly exposed.Xane had seen that.Had instinctively recognised how close to the brink he was, and how to bring him back from teetering on that edge.Even now, he still felt hideously exposed.Vulnerable.Raw.Like he had whiplash marks across his soul.It would take days, months, maybe, to pull all his armour back on.This wasn’t the time to be peeling away the last vestiges of his self-respect and being yelled at for taking a sledgehammer to a perfectly good relationship.
“Actually Ash, I think I need to wait for Alle.”Spook planted his feet, and grabbed the handrail in order to anchor himself.
Ash folded his arms and gave a sigh.“She’s not here right now, Spook.For sure, talk to her when she arrives, but you can’t use her absence to avoid this.You need to get your arse in there.Don’t really want to speak?Then don’t.Keep it to, ‘I’m sorry.’But get in there.I’m telling you, the last thing any of us need is Xane’s relationship going tits up.So, if that means you have to stand in there while Dani screams at you, and slaps your idiot face, you’re gonna do it.”
Spook released his grip on the railing so that his hand was merely resting upon it, rather than locked tight around the freezing metal.Ash was right.Black Halo’s stability depended upon it.Also, he owed it to Xane if nothing else.His friend had supported him when he’d needed him to.It was only right that he did the same now their situations were reversed.Things had been infinitely calmer since Xane found love.It was easy to forget how close the band had been to falling apart prior to Dani’s arrival.
“I’ve my own relationship to save.”
Ash nodded.“I know.And I’ll let you know as soon as Alle’s on board.In fact, I’ll do one better than that, and chase up where she’s at.Meanwhile…” He jerked his head in the direction of the door.“I’m assuming her appearance backstage means she hasn’t just dumped your sorry arse?”Ash continued.“Really, Spook?Xane?What the hell were you thinking?I mean, I could just about figure it, if you were desperate and you didn’t have a flame-haired temptress on hand to service your every need, but shit hot red-head, yer know…”
Ash waited, but Spook didn’t have an answer for him any more than he had one for anyone else.
“You’re a fucking moron.”
“Yeah, and you’ve never done anything daft,” he retaliated, mostly in order to force a few more minutes delay.
“Plenty,” Ash confessed, a dimpled grin bursting across his handsome face.“Including getting dirty with a certain nameless someone.But, we don’t talk about that.And at least neither of us was attached at the time.”He planted a hand firmly between Spook’s shoulder blades.“Go.Go on.And don’t you come out until Dani’s slapped you so hard she’s sprained her wrist and given you tinnitus.”
Actually, he had plenty of bruises already from the rough and tumble with Xane.He didn’t much fancy adding a scarlet cheek to the montage.“You’re really not selling this.”
Ash shrugged.“I don’t need to sell it.It’s penance.You fuck up, you endure the consequences.That’s how it works.”He gave Spook another nudge, and succeeded in shuffling him closer to the lounge door.
“Promise you’ll find Allegra?”
“I’m on it already.”Ash pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket.“Remember, stand still and take it if it’s Dani.Duck if it’s Luthor throwing the punch.”
“I’ll try and keep that in mind.”
As a matter of fact he didn’t need to.Dani charged at him the minute he stepped into the room.She slapped him so hard across the cheek that he wound up biting his tongue.Then hacking up blood flecks into his palm.
“How fucking could you?”She collapsed into a heap of sobs.
Still wincing at the sting in his cheek, Spook bent down on one knee.“Dani,” he said softly, while keenly aware of Luthor rushing towards him, and wishing the bells in his ear would stop their bloody tolling.“I’m really sorry.I had a shock last night, and I wasn’t thinking straight.That’s not an excuse.”He lifted his hands in surrender.“I ought to have had more control over myself.”
“You don’t even have sex,” she sobbed, like that made things infinitely worse.“You know what he’s like.I can’t believe you let him use you as a fix.Why would you?For God’s sake, I know you have more self-respect than that.”
That wasn’t how things were at all.
