Page 75 of A Gentleman's Wager
“My sister and Miss Stanley.”
“I see,” he said, though he wasn’t altogether sure that he did. It concerned him that he and Lucerne had parted without setting things to rights between them. Whenever they’d argued in the past, they’d swiftly amended their differences. Heaven only knew what nonsense Pennerley was spouting to drive an even bigger wedge between them. For a moment there, he’d hoped Lucerne had come to extend the hand of friendship again. “Did you know they were coming?”
“No.” Joshua’s gaze dropped from the horizon to the dirty cobblestones. He kicked at a pebble, sending it scuttering over the yard. There was a heaviness to his shoulders that hadn’t been there the previous evening.
“What’s wrong? Is there something the matter with your sister?”
The fellow shook his head. “Bella’s perfectly fine, or as fine as she’s ever been.” He kicked another stone. Then about turned towards the tavern door. Yet his head was hanging as if he were heading to the gallows. Some horrid news or other had clearly been imparted.
“You seem morose,” Wakefield observed, following in his wake. They paused to allow the tavern’s ginger Tom to slink past them. It paused by the horse trough and looked back at them suspiciously.
“I’m not morose, I’m… Goddammit! Freddy, she saw you.”
“Saw me? Who? What?”
“What I mean is that Louisa specifically came to see you, and you were… Well—” Joshua gesticulated wildly, alarming a troop of nearby pigeons that took to the skies. “You were otherwise engaged, and she saw that.”
“You do realise that you’re not making a whole lot of sense,” Wakefield said. He couldn’t quite make head nor tail of Joshua’s explanation. She’d seen him? He’d not set eyes on her. He’d been in his room this whole time.
Comprehension finally dawned. “Louisa came… You’re saying she saw…”
Joshua thrust his hands into his coat pockets. “Frankly, I don’t pretend to know what it was. I’m not one to judge a fellow on how he chooses to conduct himself, but women have stronger opinions on such matters.” There was no sympathy in his voice, but no judgement either. “If anything, I’d say you’re damned lucky. Bella would have emptied the chamber pot over the pair of you, and every man, woman, and child in the parish would have heard what you’d done. Lousia is rather less demonstrative, but you should not imagine her any less furious.
Lucky? Wakefield’s mind stuck upon that point. There was no luck involved in this. Louisa was his heart, his soul. Millicent was merely a balm, a distraction that had entirely failed to soothe his heartache. He grasped Joshua’s sleeve. “We should go back to Lauwine at once. You understand I was in my cups.”
Joshua shook him off. “Don’t be absurd, man. Tearing after her now won’t solve a goddamned thing.” He entered the inn and took the stone stairs up to the first floor.
“Joshua, wait on. I need to make this right.” Wakefield doggedly pursued him to his room and followed him inside.
“Do you? What is it you imagine you’ll accomplish? Wasn’t it already your intention to break things off? This has saved you the effort. More nastily than you intended, but cleaner, I suppose.”
The remains of tea things cluttered the table and the scent of feminine perfume lingered in the still air. It made his guts lurch, while an unbearable weight pressed down upon his shoulders. He sank into the nearest of the two armchairs. It was true that he’d declared such an intention. He would not be branded a fortune-hunting knave. Yet, he hadn’t wanted to tear them asunder. Of course, he hadn’t. He adored her. She was everything he could possibly want in a wife, a life partner, and companion.
“We both know I’ve little to offer.” He’d said that last night, and Joshua had agreed. Dammit, he could barely afford his own upkeep, and his eldest sister was currently working as a governess to keep the younger ones fed. Louisa was an heiress. He had not enquired into how extensive her fortune was but had gathered it to be large enough that marrying a penniless soldier would be seen as extremely poor judgement on her part, and greed on his. Lucerne had said as much. Joshua probably thought it. Charles had said something obscene about her bosom that he hadn’t quite understood. And, of course, Pennerley had been there, wordlessly declaring her worth by favouring her with his attention. Before that, no one had really paid their affection for one another any mind. Well, Lucerne had, but they might have married without undue fuss. Leastways the imaginarian within him believed so. The realist knew that in the eyes of society, he was beneath her.Heknew he was beneath her, given how beholden he was to Christopher Denning, the local moneylender.
“I had not entirely settled upon that decision.”
“Had you not? One assumed when you went upstairs with Millicent… Well, whatever, it is done now. Whatever chance there was is gone. Maybe you would have been happy despite the disparity in your fortunes, but now you will never know.”
“Must you be so direct? Tis alike to being struck with rocks. Do you think I don’t realise what I’ve done? What a fool I’ve been? Whatever poor choices I’ve made, in my cups and without, I never desired to hurt her. I love her.”
“Wakefield, you’ve been apart from her a mere handful of days, and you took up with another woman. That is no small matter. I imagine right now she considers you a far worse blackguard than you consider Pennerley.”
“He is a blackguard. Worse.”
Joshua scoffed and shook his head. He produced a bottle from a drawer, thence poured them both measures into teacups. “He didn’t promise her forever, and then bed another.”
“I never promised—”
“You oughtn’t to have led her on.”
“Millicent, I know. She—”
“I know exactly what Millicent Hayes is. I’ve known her since she was a bairn. That is not who I meant. If you truly believed Louisa out of your reach, then you should not have pursued her as you did.”
“I was not aware when we met—”
“You’ve known long enough.”
