Page 48 of Until Tomorrow Comes
Still, Kat shakes her head, facing forward but staying in my lap.
“I know you only said yes to me staying here because of your relationship with my brother. But even still, I’m grateful. Getting away from the city, fromhim…” She trails off and sucks in a deep breath. “I think that if I had stayed, he would have found me. Or maybe I would have gone back to him.”
I swallow thickly, mulling over how to say what I’m thinking.
“How long…” I trail off, unsure if I actually want the answer to that question.
“I met him just over two years ago. He hit me for the first time about a year later.” She turns her head, resting her cheek on my chest while she stares at the carpet. “I keep telling myself that I knew better, I wrote my college thesis around the trauma and coping mechanisms of domestic abuse victims. Literally, I once spent eleven hours at the library doing research and reading countless survivor stories. So, you would think that out ofanyone, I would have seen the signs.”
Her eyes fall closed and I pull my hands apart. Reaching down I gently grab her by the thigh and shift her. Once she’s sitting sideways, cradled against my chest, I bring my hand to her face. Tilting her chin up, I wait until she opens her eyes.
“We don’t have to talk about… him.” I remind her. For as much as I want to know everything about her, learning anything at the expense of her mental well-being is where I draw the line. “Don’t think that just because I asked that youhaveto answer me.”
She draws in a ragged breath, shaking her head slowly while she closes her eyes and speaks.
“You saw me, when I got here, you saw the damage he did.” Her voice is barely above a whisper, but being this close to her, I don’t need her to speak up. “Thatwas the worst he had ever done.”
She laughs sarcastically. “And only because I hesitated.I fucking hesitated.There was a damn picture of us on our wedding day in his office, and instead of grabbing my passport and leaving like I was supposed to, I stopped to stare at it.” She takes a deep breath. “The first few weeks here, I was so hung up on all the ‘if I had done this’ scenarios.”
Staying silent, I wait for her to speak again, letting her lead this conversation. After a few minutes, when the slight tremble of her body calms, she continues.
“I could think about the ‘what if’s…’ until I’m blue in the face, but the fact of the matter is that he snuck up on me. He started with small manipulative things, suggesting that I not wear something or gaslighting me until I felt crazy. I chalked it up to stress at work and his long nights for business meetings with offices overseas. When he hit me for the first time, it was easy enough to blame the alcohol.”
She shakes her head, a piece of hair falling free and hanging down the side of her face.
“I spent the past year blaming the abuse, the shit he would say to fuck with my head, on everything and everyone else. But more importantly, I blamedmyself.” Kat trails off and I shake my head, not sure what to say but needing her to hear that it’s not her fault. She peers up at me with watery eyes.
“Being here, around you, Thea, and seeing Doc Davis… It’s helping show me that I’m going to get through this. For the first time in a while, I feelseen. Like I could sit here and spill all the shit that happened and you wouldn’t look at me any differently.” She says quietly, a tear slipping free and rolling down her cheek. I immediately catch it with my thumb to wipe it away before tracing along her jaw.
“Going through something like you did, doesn’t change who you are at your core. When you’re in the thick of a battle, it’s only natural to build walls or dig yourself into a hole for protection. Our bodies and brains react to help ussurvive. When the fight is over, it’s not always easy to get yourself out of the hole that kept you alive.” I whisper, emotion lacing my words. “Some people see others struggling to get themselves out and favor the ‘you got yourself into the mess, you can get yourself out’ approach because they don’t understand what it’s like to be at the bottom.” I reach up to tuck the loose strand of hair behind her ear. She leans her cheek into my palm and stares at me with glittering eyes.
“But some people know what it’s like to be at the bottom. Some might even throw a rope down and hold it steady while you climb yourself out, others will jump in and scale to the top by your side.”
Another tear rolls down her cheek and she hastily rubs it away before I can. She lets out a huff that’s a mix between a laugh and a sigh.
“Everyone I know back in the city is definitely not the kind to help unless it benefits them.” She scrunches her nose. “Plus, no one I know would get their designer clothes dirty by jumping into a hole.”
She laughs, it’s tired and half-hearted, but I’ll take it. Her resiliency after everything she’s been through, has me admiring her on a whole new level. I run my hand up and down her thigh, tugging her closer with my other hand.
“Then it’s a damn good thing you’re not in the city and are here with me,” I pull back and smile at her. “Cause I am an excellent climbing partner to have, Nala.”
Her brows pull together as she stares at me in confusion. The moment it clicks, her face relaxes and she shakes her head.
“Did you just… refer to me as one of the lions fromLion King?”
I smile down at her and shrug. “It fits, she’s a fierce cat, and you’re a fierce… Kat.”
With that, she giggles again, placing a hand on my chest and curling into me while her body shakes with laughter. That’s how we stay, with her in my lap while we crack jokes and laugh, all night long.
18
Kat
“Jack, did you accidentally grab someone else’s bags with yours?” I yell over my shoulder when I hear him coming back into the house.
He ran to the grocery store an hour ago to get us a few things for the small cookout we’re having with Thea tonight for the fourth of July. However, the amount of bags he dropped on the counter before going back for more has me thinking he went overboard. I might have gained a semi-normalappetite back, but this is way too much food for three people.
“Are you planning on feeding a small army or something?” I joke as I pull out a second package of hot dogs.
