Page 145 of In Case You Didn't Know
“But you can’t go around thinking you can protect everybody and everything.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I learned that the hard way.”
When he pushed Skyler away after nearly losing his daughter. I remember it well. He was lost. Broken.
The way I feel right now.
“Yeah, well when you grow up learning that people either control you or leave you, it makes you choose the first one real fast.” My voice is thick.
“You’re talking about Dad.” His face softens. “I hate what he did to you.”
“To all of us.”
“But especially you. He exploited you. Used you. Left you in the dark, literally.”
I swallow hard, the panic of that day rising inside me again.
“He’s been dead a long time,” I say. “I can’t keep blaming him for my decisions.”
“You can if you let him be that voice in your head.” Hudson gives me a knowing look. “Three years of therapy taught me that. He hurt you. I know that. And that was on him. But this?” He shakes his head. “The decisions you make now are on you. Either you face up to it, or you lose what you care about.”
“I’m scared I’ve already lost her,” I admit. And there it is. The sick thud in my chest. The realization that it’s all my fault.
Not Francie’s. Not Shaun’s. Not even Annalise’s.
I could have told Francie what was going on. I could have involved her. Treated her like the strong woman she is. Like an equal.
Instead I was afraid. That little kid in the dark closet, willing to do anything to get out.
Hudson lets the silence settle for a moment, like he knows I need the space to breathe through it. To let the past roll over me one more time before I finally let it go.
“The way dad treated you wasn’t your fault,” he finally says.
“I know.”
“And the way he used Eden. That wasn’t your fault either.” His voice is firm.
I look at him. I want to believe him, but I let our sister down. I should have protected her. I knew what he was capable of. But instead I got out of Liberty as fast as I could.
And she paid the price.
“You know what sucks?” I say, my voice rough. “I spent my whole life building walls to keep people out. And then I met Francie and all I want to do is let her in. But I have no idea how.I don’t know how to stop myself from shutting down, locking her out.”
He nods. I know he gets me. But it’s not enough.
“Remember the day Autumn, Eden, and Francie dressed up as the Spice Girls for the Liberty Nineties Karaoke fundraiser?” I ask, my lips twitching despite everything.
Hudson groans. “Don’t remind me. Autumn had glitter in her hair for a week. And Francie…”
“Was Sporty Spice. She wore those god awful track pants and started talking with a British accent. And then she did that roundhouse and kicked Mylene’s cake display over.”
Hudson chuckles. “Nowthatwas girl power.”
My chest tightens. Even then, she knew what she wanted. And for a brief while, that was me.
I was the luckiest man in the world. And I’m so in love with her it hurts.
But love can’t be about controlling somebody. Or sacrificing in the dark. It’s about knowing when to let somebody knock the cake table over and still cheering for them.
“Autumn called this morning,” Hudson says, breaking my thoughts. “I didn’t tell her anything. But…”
