Page 99 of That Friendzone Feeling
Igrab my coat. “Andif there’s one thing losing my parents has taught me, it’s that life is fragile.Younever know how long you have.Andnot a second of it should be wasted denying yourself something that would fill your heart and your soul, and would make you happy.”
Therainclouds in her eyes look about to burst.Shehurts as much as me, butSensibleEmilyhas a will of steel and has made up her mind.
“Clearlyyou disagree.”Ipick up my bag and swing it over my shoulder.Luckily,Ididn’t unpack yet. “Noneed for you to stay in a hotel.I’llgo up toBathgateand find somewhere to stay there for a few days.”
Ipause for a second, and swallow.
Emilysays nothing.
“Ineed to go brew stuff.”Amonster rips my heart from my chest asIopen the front door. “Andbe where you’re not.”
28
EMILY
Oh, myGod.Ihave no idea howIstayed upright through all of that.Mylegs started to wobble the secondWalkermentioned how our eyes had found each other in that first class.
Inthat moment a decade ago, whenIsaw him for the first time,Ifelt the exact same thing—the tremble in my lower belly, the quiver through my heart.
Itdidn’t take thirty seconds.Ittook one.Orpossibly a tiny fraction of one.
Andfor the rest of the class, it took all my mental strength to drag my gaze fromWalker’sforearms resting on the desk and to stop myself from subtly turning my head to check out the way his jeans stretched across his thighs.
Itwas a struggle to pay even the slightest bit of attention toProfessorMcGarry’slecture, “CurrentDayChallengesonTraditionalStructures,” when there was something endlessly more fascinating right next to me.
Andit wasn’t just how attractive he was.Itwas that instant connection whenIfirst looked at him.
IfWalkerwas watching me take notes with my pink pen, he would have seenIwas gripping it for dear life to try to keep my hand from shaking.AndthatIwas only partially successful.
Ifonly we’d done something about it then.Maybeeverything would have been different.
Butwe didn’t.
BeforeIknew what had happened, months had gone by and we were great pals.Thentoward the end of the second year we were working on the idea of setting up a brewery and maybe a pub.Wewere firmly in the friend zone.Andit was too late.
Andit’s too late now.
Butmy legs are struggling to accept that and are about to buckle under me.
Ilean back against the hallway wall and slide down until my backside hits the ground.
Myhead’s all woozy, andImight be about to throw up.
Thephone and laptop slip to the floor beside me asIpull my knees to my chest and drop my forehead onto them.
Walkeris my everything.
It’snot likeI’mtight with my parents or sister.AndI’vethrown myself so hard into studying and work for the last ten years thatIhave no real friends other than the manI’vedone all that studying and working with.
IfIruin things with the person who is my everything, thenI’velost, well, everything.
What’shappening here proves me right on every pointI’vebeen trying to make to him.
Weslept together.Wegot involved.Andhey, guess what?Everything’sturned to shit.
Thisis exactly whatI’vebeen trying to tell him.Thisis exactly why we can’t be together.
But, holy hell,Iwish we could be.
