Page 57 of That Friendzone Feeling
Helaughs at his own joke, andEmilyjoins in. “Oh, my goodness.”Herhands are on her pink cheeks. “Thankyou.Thatwould be amazing.Whata remarkable opportunity.”
Aremarkable opportunity to save our business.Butalso, a remarkable opportunity for him to dazzle her with everything he has to offer a woman.Aremarkable opportunity forEmilyto spend time with the first good-hearted man to show interest in her for years.
Securingthe future of our business might just mean losing my hope of a future withEmily.
Ishould be delighted for her that he seems so into her.Thatafter how shittily she’s been treated by asshole after asshole, her happiness might be just around the corner.
AndIshould be delighted that he’s about to pullToastedTomatoout of the black hole we are falling into.
Butthe only sensationIhave is of my lunch swirling in my stomach and threatening to rise up my throat.
Whydid it have to take me so long to realize thatEmandIare made for each other, thatIwant her for myself?IfI’dfigured it out years ago, we’d be sitting here,side by side, as an entirely different type of team.AndIwouldn’t be at risk of losing her to every woman’s ideal man.
Emilyturns to me, her big brown eyes full of delight and hope. “Wouldn’tthat be incredible?”
“Yes,”Isqueeze out asIforce my mouth to turn up at the corners. “Incredible.”
17
EMILY
IunlockWalker’sfront door and push it open.
Darkness.
Aweek since we got back from the island, andI’vehardly seen him.
Ireally should be looking for my own place and getting my shit together for my life as a business-focused single woman.Butthere’s been so much going on withChaseand the resort, dealing with our finance and legal people, and speaking withChase’sstylist about whatI’mgoing to wear to his premiere, thatI’vehad to cancel on my realtor three times.
ButsinceWalkerandIare barely home at the same time anymore,IguessIcan leave moving out until afterChasehas signed the contract and we return to the normal level of busy.
IfIwere really desperate to get out of here,Icould move into a hotel for a while.Somaybe there’s somethingat the back of my mind stopping me.Whateverit is, it can stay right there, at thebackof my mind.
Thisis whyIshould just work all the time.WhenI’mnot buried in contracts, financial reports, questions fromHarryabout how many inches he can move the bar to the right to allow for pipework, and pictures of sparkly floor-length dressesChase’sstylist keeps sending me,Idwell onWalker.
Thoughto be fair, even whenI’mfully occupied, the smell of his skin still wafts across my nose and the taste of his mouth appears on my tongue.Andwithout even casting my mind back to those life-changing minutes at the building site, that same desperation to cling to him, to savor him, to pleasure him, rises within me again.
Eachtime those feelings catch me,I’msurerI’venever felt so close to anyone asIdid in those few minutes.Althoughit could be written off as a fright-induced fumble,Iknow it was the most intimate experience of my life.Wehad a closeness possible only from knowing someone for a decade before they touch you, heightened by my heart-wrenching concern for the guilt he carries with him constantly but had never mentioned before and the adrenaline punch of the entire evening.
Mymind also occasionally wanders to his magic fingers and mouth.Anddick.God, that thing felt good in my hands.Inthe moments beforeIfall asleep at night,Ican’t help but imagine how it would feel inside me.
Butthat is a pointless use of brain space.
Icannot go around thinking what it would feel like to haveWalkerinside me.
Iknow the answer.
Amazing.Earthshattering.Worldrocking.Scream-inducingly awesome.
Morethoughts are not required.
Whatis required is thatIget those thoughts out of my head.
Alongwith the others of how he’s the kindest, most generous, honest, smartest, funniest personIknow.Putall that together with his ability to induce brain-exploding orgasms and it’d make him the perfect man for me.
Buthe’s not.
He’smy perfect friend and my perfect business partner, and those are the two most crucial things in my life.Anyrepeats of the workbench shenanigans would only screw up both of them.
