Page 97 of That Friendzone Feeling
“Andyou said yes?”
Shelooks down and nods.
Myinsides churn like a washing machine.Theusually delicious aroma wafting up from my coffee makes me gag.
“Youlike him then?”Icough,trying to clear my constricted throat. “Actuallylike him?Likeyou feel things when you’re with him?”
Sheshrugs. “He’sperfect.I’dbe crazy not to go and see what happens.”
Iput my mug on the counter, thoughIguess with more force thanIintended because there’s quite a bang and coffee slops out.
Toprevent myself from picking her up and yelling how muchIlove her,Istride over to the window and put some distance between us. “ThethingI’vealways said—that if you don’t feel it in the first thirty seconds of meeting someone, then you’ll never feel it—you don’t believe that?”
“Maybesome relationships grow over time,” she says to my back. “Maybea slow burn is a real thing.”
Ispin to face her.
“It’seither there or it’s not,Em.Nomatter how hot and talented and rich and successful and smart and amusing and charitable someone is, if it’s not there, it’s not there.”
Thatis quite a list of attributes.AndImissed “famous,” “respected,” and who the fuck knows what else appears on his résumé of fabulousness.
“Butyou don’t think that aboutus.”Shejumps off the stool, her brow crinkled.
I’mboiling hot and feel likeI’mabout to suffocate.Overwhelmedby the need to free myself from all constraints,Igrab the back of my sweater and yank it over my head.
“Whatdo you mean?”Itoss the sweater onto the sofa and run my fingers through my hair.
“Youand me.”Shejabs her finger toward me, then pokes her chest. “Youthink you and me should happen, but apparently it took you ten years to find the spark.”Hertone suggestsI’veperpetrated an immense injustice. “Yetyou tellme that if my brain didn’t explode in fireworks in the first few secondsImetChase, then it’s pointless.”
Sheholds her fingertips against her head and makes an exploding noise.
Nowmy brain is erupting.Shehas no fucking idea. “Isthat what you think?”Istride back toward her. “Isthat seriously what you think?ThatI’dnever felt anything for you until a couple of weeks ago?”
Istop so closeIcould grab her face again and kiss it. “Youdon’t remember, in that first class, thatIwas about to sit in the row in front of you?Butyou looked up and said, ‘Hi,’ soIbacked up out of that row and came to sit next to you.Doyou not remember that?”
“Yeah,Iremember.”Shefolds her arms, challenging me to tell her something she doesn’t know.
Well, here goes.
“Iwouldn’t have done that if it had been any old, ordinary hi.Idid it because when you looked up, you looked right at me.Like, reallyatme.Asif our eyes knew how to find each other.”
Ipoint from my eyes to hers, almost grazing the end of her nose with my finger. “Andthere was this peculiar feeling in my chest and my gut thatI’dnever felt before.”
Irest my hand on my heart.I’mnot sure what’s trembling more—my hand, my breath, or my chest as it thumps up and down. “That’sthe spark,Em.Andthat’s whyIchanged rows to sit next to you.”
Ourgazes hold each other’s for a moment, just as they did then.AndIhave the exact same peculiar sensation in my chest and my gut asIdid then.Butthis time the hope of what it could mean is replaced by terror thatI’mlosing her.
Sheturns away and closes her laptop.
Takingoff my sweater hasn’t cooled the fire burningwithin me. “Didyou not feel that,Em?Canyou tell me you really didn’t feel it?”
“Itdoesn’t matter whatIfelt.”Hertone is one of defeat.Whichmeans she did, but she doesn’t want to admit it.
Andthat’s the gulf of difference between us right now.I’mfired up trying to convince her she’s wrong, fighting the overwhelming desire to kiss her, and she’s completely given up on us.
“We’retoo far along the road now.”Shepicks up her phone and computer and clutches them to her chest, like armor plating to protect her heart. “Ourlives are totally tangled up together.”
Sherests her chin on the top edge of the laptop and looks at me, a glisten in her eyes. “Yourfamily is like my second family.Wehave a business we’re trying to take over the world with.AndgoodGod”—she throws one arm out to the side, gesturing to the room—“I’ma pathetic creature who’s so useless at life thatIlive with you half the fucking time.”
