Page 18 of The Thing About My Prince

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ME

Gee, thanks, guys. No. Nothing bad. And there’s nothing suspicious or odd.

Ok, maybe it’s a bit odd.

CHASE

Isn’t Lexi the name of your ghostwriter?

LEO

Oh Jesus, Oliver. Don’t bang the ghostwriter. Recipe for disaster. On all fronts.

MILLER

Yeah, try to keep your brain in the game and out of your pants. And hers.

ME

Christ guys, I’m literally letting you know that I’m NOT sleeping with her.

MILLER

Why would we need to know that you’re not sleeping with someone we didn’t think you were sleeping with?

ME

Because the press will say I am.

CHASE

Why?

LEO

Why?

MILLER

Yeah, why?

ME

Because we’re going to have to tell everybody we are.

Got to admit, this does sound absurd. And if any of them was saying what I’m saying right now, I’d consider sending some medical professionals around to their house.

CHASE

Wanna rewind a little here? Why will you tell everyone you’re sleeping with your ghostwriter?

ME

Because she’s coming to Scotland with me for my sister’s wedding and my family would go apeshit if they knew I was writing a book, so it’s the only way to get time with her to interview me while I’m there.

LEO

Er, heard of Zoom?

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