Page 66 of The Thing About My Prince

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She’s also the last person I should get involved with because she’s being assigned to EasternEurope as soon as it’s written.

CHASE

So you DO like her?

ME

Stop it! No!! Of course not!!!

CHASE

I’ve never seen you use a single exclamation point in your life, so clearly you do.

ME

Nope. She’s the enemy, remember. A reporter. I just have to tolerate her for the time it takes her to write enough wonderful things about me to make people realize I’m not as bad as they think I am. That’s all.

CHASE

That’s all?

ME

Now you sound like my mother.

CHASE

What I’m trying to sound like is your one friend who knows what it’s like to be TMZ fodder and who knows this is going to leak out and then the press will be all over her as much as you, and they’re bound to find out she’s a journalist, and from there they’ll find someone who’ll tell them she’s writing your book, then everyone will know you’re not writing it yourself, and your parents will find out there’s going to be a book, and everyone will be pissed off with everyone.

ME

The local press already know she’s my girlfriend. She went to the bog treasure hunt as part of a PR thing that communications HQ wanted her to do.

CHASE

Oh my good God. First, she’s not ACTUALLY your girlfriend. You are remembering that, right?

Second, BOG TREASURE HUNT?

ME

Local tradition. Long story. Will tell you when I’m back. If you’re still interested by then.

CHASE

It sounds like the sooner you get back here the better, before you disappear into a bottomless pit of nightmares of your own making.

ME

Now you sound like my grandmother.

CHASE

Well, take care, buddy. I have to head off to try to persuade a studio to take on this godforsaken film I’m trying to produce. But if you need anything, you know where I am.

ME

Cheers, mate. It’ll be fine.

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