Page 84 of Burdens
A huffing laugh escaped him. “Yeah, you could say that,” he replied, but despite the small smile he gave me, I could see the torment in his gaze.
I hated seeing him like this. It broke my heart.
Despite never having met Jamal, I knew how important he was to Noah and I just hoped that in time, he would see past Noah’s secrecy and forgive him. I didn’t think Noah would ever be okay otherwise.
I knew firsthand how hard it was to be on the receiving end of Noah’s confessions. But ever since last night, I was beginning to understand that Noah’s actions had never been fueled by selfishness but were rather a mere consequence brought on after a little boy had grown up unwanted by someone who was supposed to care for him and had never been given a chance to heal from it.
He’d been embarrassed of his legacy and I couldn’t blame him for what he’d chosen to do with it when I knew how he must have felt.
My own past had been tumultuous and I tried my hardest not to let it define me. But in comparison, my parents leaving me and my siblings behind was more a blessing than a curse.
I couldn’t even begin to comprehend what it was like to be in Noah’s position.
Hopefully, Jamal would see the same.
I pulled myself out of my thoughts and focused my attention back on Noah, a faraway look in his eyes. I gave his knee a light squeeze. “He’ll understand,” I said, trying to reassure him.
He brought his gaze back to me, letting out a heavy sigh. “What if he doesn’t?” he whispered, uncertainty coating his tone.
No matter how much I wished I could guarantee him that Jamal would forgive him, how much I’d love to offer Noah the perfect reassuring words that would erase the doubts creeping up that beautiful mind of his, I wouldn’t lie to him and offer false hope.
So I told him what I knew I could guarantee him. “Then we’ll figure it out.” I reached for his hands and intertwined our fingers together, squeezing once. “Together.”
My words didn’t dissipate the torment in his eyes completely, but it left room for a hint of relief to peek through.
He brought our joined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to my palm. “I love you,” he mouthed, pressing the words into the skin of my wrist, right above my pulse point.
I shook my head with a small laugh. “Yeah, yeah.”
Noah cocked his head to the side as he narrowed his eyes at me. “No ‘I love you too’ or maybe a ‘You’re the love of my life, Noah, I love you dearly’.”
I knew he was still hurting, but seeing him being playful tugged at my heartstrings. I’d missed this side of him.
I stayed quiet for a moment, pretending to muse over my response before saying, “I don’t recall ever saying that.”
“Oh yeah?” he taunted.
I fought a smile and playfully shrugged.
He tugged me forward until I fell onto his lap, scooping me up so that I was sitting sideways onto him. Before I could register what was happening, his fingers dug into my ribs.
My eyes widened as I let out a scream, not having expected the sudden pressure. “Noah,” I yelled, squirming in his lap as I tried to get him to stop. He didn’t, and a laugh so strong bubbled out of my lips, I struggled to breathe.
“Say it,” he said next to my ear, playfully nipping at it as he continued to prod at my sides.
“Okay, okay, okay,” I repeated between ragged breaths. “I love you,” I yelled, hoping he could hear me through my fits of laughter.
The clearing of a throat sounded in the room and Noah’s fingers stilled. He didn’t move them as we turned our heads toward the source to find Kai, Valentina, and Jamal standing in the kitchen, looking at us.
Kai had an amused look on his face, Valentina’s expression was impartial, while Jamal’s features were torn with a mix of emotions.
An awkward silence cloaked the room until Kai broke it again, which seemed to be his role in the group—speaking for all of them.
“Sorry to interrupt, but perhaps we should get started on why we’re here?” he questioned, his gaze bouncing between Noah and me.
“Yea—” I cleared my throat, turning my body forward. “Yes,” I said, moving to stand, but Noah’s hands kept me in place as if he were using me as a shield. I glared at him over my shoulder, but he just shrugged in response.
I shook my head and gently placed my hands above his, redirecting my attention back to our guests, who remained rooted in the kitchen.
