Page 61 of Wishing for Christmas
She still didn’t know how she was going to explain the complexities of the entire wish situation to him. She needed to find a way, though—and quick. This was a conversation she would not avoid any longer. It was time she finally told him the truth about everything. She needed to come clean about her year—or lack of it—so they could truly be on the same page. It was the only way they could move forward.
The simple truth was that she loved him, and she knew with all her heart that he was worth going through allthe hardships of a long deployment. Clara only wished she had realized it sooner.
It was more than that, though. Clara understood that shewantedto go through it. She wished she could have really gotten to know him, slowly, the way he got to know her. She knew this deployment would have made them stronger as individuals and as a couple—like Ava and Laura had said. Like Grams had said. Clara just wished she hadn’t robbed herself of the whole experience.
It was such a dumb wish anyway—a simple solution to a complicated problem. She thought about everything that wish had deprived her and deprived Brent of. The regret she felt for skipping over the year was only made worse by the hurt it had caused him. She needed to talk to him.
Clara approached Brent’s house, her legs shaking with nervous anticipation.
An unexpected greeting with a southern accent took her by surprise. “Hey, Clara.”
She turned to find Brent’s friend sitting on a rocking chair on the front porch. “Oh, hi, Will. Where’s Brent?” she asked quickly.
Will shook his head. “Apparently, he volunteered for a mission. It looks like he just left.”
“A mission?”
Will shrugged.
“When will he be back?”
“I can’t really talk about it—operational security and all that.” He frowned. “But I don’t think he’s going to be back anytime soon.”
Clara recalled the Christmas Eve mission Brent had been discussing with his commander at the party. She specifically remembered his commander telling him that he wouldn’t be assigned to it since he’d recently returned from a deployment. She knew she hadn’t misunderstood that. Surely, nothing had changed. Besides, would he really leave without telling her? Something wasn’t right here.
She bit her lower lip. “What do you mean—he volunteered?”
Will shrugged. “He must have. His name showed up on the roster for it late last night.”
Clara felt her stomach tighten. Her heart raced as her brain tried to understand what Will was telling her. “But why would he do that?”
“That’s exactly what I was wondering myself. When I saw his name on the flight plan, I came by to check on him. I figured something must be wrong. I mean, I couldn’t imagine what would make himvolunteerto fly at Christmas after waiting so long to spend the holidays with you.”
Clara was silent, staring ahead in a fog of disbelief.
“But when I got here, he was already gone.” Will looked at her sideways. “Is everything okay with you two?”
A sickness overtook her stomach as the realization came together in her mind. Her legs gave way to a slight wobble, andshe had to hold on to the porch rail to keep herself upright. She shook her head, looking at the ground, not quite able to accept what Will was telling her.
She was too late. She had waited too long to tell Brent the truth—to tell him how she really felt. Now, he was gone.
Clara felt the sharp sting of tears forming, and her lower lip quivered. How could she possibly have messed this up any worse? She finally understood her real feelings for him, but it made no difference now. She was too late.
Will stood up and held out an envelope. “I found this on the doorstep. It’s for you.” He handed it to Clara and gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Well, I’ve gotta run, but I hope everything works out between you two.” He gave her one last look of sympathy before turning to leave. “Merry Christmas.”
Will left, leaving her standing on Brent’s front porch alone, holding the red envelope with her name on it. Her entire body shook with fear. She sat down on the rocking chair and opened the envelope slowly, terrified to read the contents.
Dear Clara, I’m sorry we won’t be spending Christmas together after all, but duty calls. I’m also sorry for everything I put you through over the past year; I really thought we could make it work. I understand now, though, that this entire situation was too much to ask of you. It wasn’t fair to you, and you deserve more. You’ll never know how much the past year meant to me. Being your boyfriend, even from afar, was the greatest year of my life. In fact, I’d do it all over again if I could. I’msorry that I ultimately couldn’t give you what you needed. I wish you all the best in life.
Love always, Brent.
The excitement of Christmas Eve and all its anticipation instantly vanished before her as she understood the sad truth—Christmas would not be coming for her. Clara dropped her face into her hands, clutching the note, and began to cry.
She had ruined everything. She had wanted everything to be so easy and fast—so simple. In the process, she had completely lost sight of what really mattered. She had deprived them both of what they needed most in their new relationship—time.
All they’d really needed was time to grow together as a couple. That was exactly what the deployment would have given them. Clara’s grandmother had been right when she had told her not to deprive herself of what could be a blessing in disguise. Itwouldhave been a blessing, more than Clara could have even imagined—if only she hadn’t been so impatient. If only she would have had the strength and the courage to endure it.
All this time, she thought that spending one Christmas together was all they needed. That if they could just be together—instead of thousands of miles apart—for Christmas, everything would work out. Clara realized it wasn’t physical proximity they had needed. No, it was something more than that. It was the shared experiences, the common stories, and the memories.That’swhat really made Christmas—or life for that matter—special with someone.
