My eyes widen playfully at the threatening tone of the statement. She’s not wrong. I’m not like her asshole ex who thinks a relationship only works if sex is involved. With Tamara, I only need her. Everything else is a byproduct of being with her. She’s the bonus, the special gift and the prize. Anybody who thinks otherwise is a fool.
“Where did you go?”
I blink and realise I spaced out after her statement. “Thinking about all the assholes that came after and before me. They were idiots. He was the biggest one of them all.”
“Ew gross. We’re having a sweet moment and you’re thinking of him?”
Laughing, I tuck her hair behind an ear. “Thinking of you, Lo. And how fucking blessed I am you gave me another shot.”
She shifts on the cushions and smiles at me. “I don’t think I had much of a choice, really. You put this baby in me and were relentlessly annoying as a roommate.”
“Of course. I only wanted to feed and fuck you.”
“Duh,” she teases and stretches up to kiss me as the first firework goes off.
I don’t tell Tamara I hate fireworks and no matter how beautiful they are, they’re also very loud. But tonight, I want to enjoy this with her. In two days I’m on a plane for the hockey tournament and all I’ll have are video calls and texts to keep me going.
She sits forward, eyes wide and a devastating smile, as the whole neighbourhood contributes to the air pollution. My heart aches as I watch her. The way I love her is ridiculous, it scares me. It also comforts me. She makes me forget about how my shoulders hunch forward with every burst, every sound and every sparkle of the fireworks.
I lean in and press my lips to her shoulder. She wraps a hand around my jaw, then drags it up to my hair and kisses the side of my head. Our phones ping and I smile, pulling back to look at her.
“Happy new year, Lotus.”
Her smile puts the fireworks to shame. “Happy new year, Trick.”
Forty-Four. A really bossy lady
Patrick, January
“Tamara.”
“Daddy.”
“Baby, we talked about this.”
“We talked about a lot of things. You have to be more specific.”
“No work. You promised.”
“I’m not working. I’m sitting on my perfect ass and being a really good girl.”
I sigh for what feels like the hundredth time at the picture of faux innocence staring back at me. If there’s one thing Tamara isn’t, it’s a good girl but it’s impossible to police her movements when I’m so far away. At least we’re in the same country, but the distance is starting to wear on me. We’re only ten days into the new year and the LHT schedule, ten days I’ve already been away from Tamara and our unborn child.
“You’re covered in paint, my love.”
She gasps and looks at herself in shock. “Oh my god, Daddy, I’m covered in paint.”
A heap of colours are splattered on her face, hair and shoulders. I’m sure I saw some down the front of the T-shirt she’s wearing—one of mine, obviously—and her hands also have every colour of the rainbow.
A laugh bursts out of me and she grins, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “What are you doing, Lo?”
“Okay, I am working. But I promise, I’m mostly sitting and bossing everyone around.” I sigh and she huffs, crossing her arms dramatically. “I’m bored, okay? I can’t work, I can’t sleep and I miss you. I’m trying not to be stressed about the baby, but it’s really hard. When do you come home?”
My heart clenches at the pain in her voice. This is the first time she’s letting me see how much my absence affects her. When I left earlier this month, she was unfazed. The whole drive to the airport, she told me about her plans for when I’m gone. The day after, she was still fine and while the calls and texts haven’t been as frequent as I’d like, we’ve been talking. Now I can see how much it’s weighing on her.
“Oh, baby. I’m sorry. I know this is the worst time for me to be away and I hate that I’m not there for you.” She shakes her head, but I know she’s miserable. “Lotus.”
“I’m fine!” she squeaks and then giggles before meeting my eyes. “I painted the baby’s room. Not by myself, I promise! Millie and Vera helped. They did most of the work and I told them what they’re doing wrong.”