Page 70 of Rebound
“I know. I know, it’s ridiculous and I’m working through it. It’s why therapy is so great. But it took me so long to make sense of my life and trust in people. I used to blame you. I’d talk about my one great love and how he left me behind and why that was the reason I didn’t give myself fully to relationships.”
I don’t hide my wince, because that hurts. But it hurts even more to think Tamara doesn’t see her worth. She deserves the fucking world.
“It’s not your fault, though. Even if you didn’t love me anymore, that’s on me and not you. And I’m so sor?—”
“Stop,” I say louder than I intended. I reach for her hands and squeeze gently. “I hate that my leaving you behind made you think this is your fault. It’s not. Look at me, Lo.” She hesitatingly meets my eyes. “You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. The most wonderful person I’ve ever had the pleasure of loving. What happened with your parents, grandparents and me…it’s on us. Life has a shitty way of making us think all the bad things that happen to us is our fault, but it’s not.
“I hurt you, Tamara. There’s no two ways about it. I broke your heart, like you said, and that’s my fault. And I am so terribly sorry.”
“Trick, I…I did hate you.”
“I know, baby. You had every right to hate me. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you got one of those dolls and poked me to death too.”
She snorts out a laugh and clamps a hand over her mouth to stifle it. I gently tug her hand away and smile.
“The thought I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough or didn’t love you breaks me.”
Her hands come up to cup my face and I still, afraid to breathe. “I don’t hate you anymore, though.”
I nod and she presses her forehead against mine. I have confessions on the tip of my tongue, admissions I’m not sure I should make or words I should tell her. But she deserves to know, right? Tilting my head, I press a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth and then lean away so I can meet her eyes.
“These few weeks were really difficult, but I get why you were being careful. I’m also hoping this is our second chance. Whatever I need to do to prove to you that I’m sticking around and not going anywhere, I’ll do it. Let me love you, Lo. Let me love you again.”
“Did you ever stop?”
I chuckle despite how raw I’m feeling. “Twenty years is a long time. I might have dated other people and tried to move forward, but I never let you go.”
“Same.”
And there’s that spark of hope. We look into each other’s eyes, words are not important anymore, we’ve said all we had to say. Everything that matters has been explained and talked about. Now it’s about whether or not we’re on the right track, the same page.
“But,” she starts and I hold my breath. “As much love as there is here, Trick, it’s not going to be easy. You know that, right? I’ve got so much shit from my past relationship to work through first.”
“What shit? What did he do?”
Her hand lands on my chest and my racing heart starts to slow down. “Just…breathe. I want to tell you about Kabir and I also want us to date. To do this for real. Start from scratch, almost.”
Kabir. I stash his name away for another day. If I ever meet the twerp, I’ll put a hole in his face.
“I can do that.”
“Fall in love with the people we are now.”
“A step ahead of you already.”
“Patrick,” she warns and I zip my mouth shut. “I love your flirting and how much attention you pay me. I don’t want it to stop. I want the kissing and handholding. I want us to be all of those things, but slowly.”
“You want me to win you back,” I say simply.
“You don’t have to win me, Trick. I’ve been yours since I was fourteen and that’ll never change. We can’t just pick up where we left off at camp, okay?”
I nod, starting to understand what she needs from me. I need to woo her, earn her love and show her she’s making the right choice by giving us another chance.
“I’m really sorry for how I’ve behaved these past few weeks. Seeing you in Mahabalipuram was a huge shock. I never thought we’d meet again or have any chance to do this again,” she admits with a sad smile. “You know when I realised this baby was yours I was so excited. I was still angry, but giddy at the idea you and I would be connected. Then I was pissed because you were still the boy who broke my heart.”
Laughing softly, I nod. “I’m going to do everything in my power to make you forget I ever hurt you.”
“Consider it forgotten.”
