Page 16 of From the Ashes
“Of course you have a choice. I’m gonna call a taxi and?—”
“Carter, no, I’m kidding,” she smiles, “I’m good with the bike. I’ve never done this, that’s all.”
I nod. “The gear will protect your skin if you fall. It never happens, but just in case. I can’t have you on my bike with nothing on.” I’d never let anything happen to her but other drivers can be assholes sometimes, so I’d better have her protected just in case.
“I don’t havenothingon.” She blushes.
Blushing.
Good.
“I could tear your shorts in half with my fingers. I’ll wait for you here,” I say before turning my back on her and resting my hands, fisted together behind my back. Just like I do when Ash and I have to wait for Ares’s wife in public. She inhales deeply, then all I hear is the ruffling of the clothes as she puts them on.
“All done,” she says with her sweet voice, and I turn, staring at her body tightly covered with the gear I bought her. The size is perfect, like a second skin and it’s messing with my head when I should be focused on teaching her self-defense tonight.
“You are beautiful,” I tell her, ‘cause she’s too pretty not to put it into words.
She bites her lip. “Thanks, I… Thank you for the gear.”
“No problem.” I shrug, taking the helmet from the backseat. “All set?” I ask, looking at the door behind her, wondering if she needs to go in before we leave.
“Yes, the sitter is here, we can go now.” She smiles lightly and takes the helmet. I try to look away because the sight of her in those clothes is…unsettling.
“Nice ride,” she murmurs, looking at my bike. Black sleek chrome with enough speed to ride us to the valley in no time and watch a sunset or whatever women like to do on dates.
I nod. “Can I lift you up on the bike?” I ask because the last time I moved too fast she thought I was about to attack her.
“Um, yeah… Okay,” she says, her voice low and soft like velvet. Putting both of my palms on her hips, I lift her like a feather to sit on the back seat.
“I’ll go slow, but just so you know the basics… Hold onto my waist tight to stay safe and tap on my helmet twice if you want to point at something. If you need us to stop, just tap three times on it and I’ll know,” I tell her before positioning the helmet on her face and then looking at her breathtaking honey brown eyes. There’s even a slight tint of gold in them.
So fucking pretty.
I mount in front of her, trying my best to ignore the heat from her body behind mine and her hands shyly circling my waist. Once I’m sure she’s comfortable, I glance at her once in the rearview mirror and then ride toward the club, my heart pumping so hard in my ribcage I almost think it’ll burst out on the concrete before we get there. I’ve never ridden with a woman, but here, with Lana, it’s like a missing piece of my puzzle has found its way back where it belongs.
6
LANA
“We can startwith the basics if that’s alright with you?” Carter asks me, stepping closer on the large mat, his tall body towering over mine, his spicy scent crowding my air. He’s been like this ever since we arrived, asking me if I was comfortable, if I wanted to eat, drink, stop and do something else. He’s been studying my face like a surgeon, and all it does is make me want to spend even more time with him. I wasn’t expecting him to bring me here. When I thought of self-defense, I thought we would have gone to a random gym, but not here, in a motorcycle club.
I heard about his club on the local news and saw a bit of this world from the series on TV, but I know that everything that goes on here isn’t always legal. The place is nice though; we’re in a huge gym, but it’s only us here. His colleagues' voices rebound from the metal walls, but a few of them are sitting near the bar. There’s neon lights, vintage pinup posters, and bikes. It’s large and industrial but still warm and inviting.
Somehow, I don’t fixate on the fact that Carter is a member of this club. I married the perfect gentleman with a colgate smile and tailored suits, the kind of guy other women kept crushing on, asking me how come I didn't have more children with such a specimen. Well, let me tell you that the day you discoverthat the impeccable façade is hiding behind layers of abuse and humiliation, you think twice about binding yourself to that kind of man even more.
People with no kids will never fully get it. When you’re with someone, you can leave them in the middle of the night and start over. No strings attached. None. But having a child is like being tattooed on your forehead. You can’t act like it isn’t there. You can’t ignore the fact that your heart is now walking outside of your body. And sadly, the human you love more than anything in this world is also made of the flesh of the man who abused you.
My pregnancy and my postpartum journey had been inked in my mind as the darkest part of my life. Ben didn’t want to take care of me now that I wasn’t as thin, pretty, and happy. My hormones gave me mood swings and deep moments of sadness. I’ve lived it all alone for two years, the shadow of myself, barely alive. The only energy I had was for Noah; the rest had been crushed under the loneliness, the longing for someone to take care of me in this challenging season. He held the baby, sure, but who held me? After this chapter, I knew making babies was over for me. I could never go through this experience again, even with a kind man. I had made a child with the devil, and that would be it for me. No more babies. I just didn’t want that for my future. It’d be Noah and me against the world, and that was enough. All I could hope was to find a man who would never ask that from me, because that was one thing I would never compromise for anyone. Even if my heart had desires of newborn babies and tiny milestones, my mental health mattered more.
“You okay?” he asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.
I nod and give him a light smile. Even though the Raven Sons have the reputation of dealing with the underworld, I won’t turn Carter down just because of that. Since I met him, he has been more caring and protective than my so-called perfect ex, who should have been my endgame. I’ve learned to have an openmind and stop judging people based on how they look. It didn’t bring me far in my past, and it certainly won’t now. It’ll be dumb to not give Carter a chance, even if this is just for now, even if this will stop the minute he realizes I don’t want children, I haven’t been with a man in a year, I don’t even know how to act without being triggered when he moves too quickly, and most of all, when he’ll realize how much Ben is still poisoning my life to this day. If he’s as kind as he seems, he’ll soon realize that dating a single mom with an abusive ex is a nest of problems. And nobody wants that.
I sigh and smile. “Basics are good, wait, actually no. I’d….I’d like to know what to do if…um, someone punched me in the stomach,” I state faster than I should, the implication way too loud to hide from him.
“In the stomach?” he repeats, tilting his head, his blue gaze disappearing under his dilated pupils. I try not to gawk at him, but it’s hard given the display of muscles in his black T-shirt and shorts.
“Yes. What do I do if I’m on the floor and someone kicks me in the stomach?” I repeat more confidently.
