Page 2 of From the Ashes
I guess it’s just you and me now, Noah.
You and me against the world.
He’s at Nancy’s house, a block away, playing with his cousins while I steal a few hours to myself. I’m about to close my eyes and rest for a moment when the unmistakable sound of the frontdoor creaks open. I jolt upright. I always keep it locked.Always. The idea that someone,him, or anyone else could come to hurt us never really leaves. Call it trauma or PTSD, it doesn’t matter. There are things in this life I’ll never take for granted again. Safety. A roof I don’t have to be afraid to live under. I move on instinct, rush to the kitchen, and grab the biggest knife I own. When I turn to the intruder, the familiar face staring back at me sends a shudder down my spine.
Ben.
“Hey,” he says casually, his brown hair carefully styled, wearing his usual lawyer suit and that Colgate smile.
“How did you get in? The door was locked.” My voice wavers, and my hand, still clutching the knife, trembles slightly.
“Nope. You must’ve forgotten.” He smirks, gawking at the knife, hands buried in the pockets of his black slacks.Did I? I did take the garbage out. Could I have forgotten to lock the door afterward?
“What are you doing here?” Finding my composure, I pull a strain of hair behind my ear, drop the knife down on the counter and rest my hand on my hips. I’ve been here for a year, and since the divorce, he isn’t supposed to visit Noah outside of his visiting days. And still, he can only take him for the day and drive him back before seven. One weekend a month, that’s all he got, because guess what? That’s all he asked for. It pains me for my son that his father didn’t even want to spend more time with him, but at least Noah and I can live peacefully. I mean, as peacefully as we can when he doesn’t show up unannounced.
It happens often.
Toooften.
He’s my ex-husband, but somehow, Ben seems to have forgotten it, calling me when he’s feeling down and sending me “I love you” texts. I never thought I could have escaped him, or that he would have agreed to divorce me. But I guess he musthave gotten scared about me bringing up that he was hitting me to his colleagues and staining his reputation as a wonderful, kind, successful family man. I want him out of my life. And since he’s Noah’s father, I guess all I can hope for is for him to respect what the judge has decided for us. One weekend a month. Why can’t he respect that?
“Looking good,baby.” He lets his eyes drag from head to toe like he owns me. It’s warm today, so I’m wearing high-waisted jean shorts and a light white blouse. I like feeling pretty, even as a mom. I don’t see why I should give up my femininity just because I gave birth. It matters. It reminds me to love myself. To put me first, after too many years of doing the opposite.
I sigh.
Baby.
“Ben,” I say, inclining my head slightly, keeping my tone as even as I can. “What are you doing here? You know Noah’s at Nancy’s most Saturday mornings. You can’t just show up and expect us to drop everything for you.” My voice falters a little. I try my best not to glance at the knife. You never know with a man like him. Things can go from calm to chaos without warning. Standing up to Ben is still new to me. And I don’t know if speaking those words out loud is going to earn me silence…or a fist. He lifts a shoulder, his expensive suit not creasing one bit. “Thought we could go get some ice cream, just the two of us? Like old times.” Ben grins, bouncing on his feet, hands in the pockets of his trousers. I’ve never liked the way suits make him look a decade older than he is. I know most women love them but not me.
“Like old times?” I murmur.You mean like when you used to beat me in our kitchen every night after dessert?“No, Ben, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” I try to stay as nice as possible to avoid him snapping on me.
Keep him happy.
Stay safe.
“Come on, don’t be like this. It will be good forus, forNoah. To reconnect.” He always brings that up. Do it for Noah. Be a good mom. Playing the guilt card as if denying his pleas would mean being a bad mother. And I hate that he is messing with my head.
He’s a lawyer, Lana. He’s good at what he does.
Don’t fall back into his trap.
“No, I just told you. You cannot drop by when you feel like it and ask me out like that. We’re divorced, Ben.”
“You’re my wife,” he states, stepping toward me as I take a step back, my heart racing faster than it should, the same adrenaline pulsing in my veins, preparing me for the hit.
“It’s over, Ben. You have to get over it,” I mumble between trembling lips, my hands falling next to me, ready to protect my face.
“No, you married me, until death do us part. Those divorce papers don’t mean shit to me, you know it, I know it.” He’s delusional. Those papers were the ticket to freedom for me. I’d framed them if they weren't bringing me back to such dark times.
“You…you can come visit Noah when we’re at Nancy's, as written on the schedule, but that’s it. Please, Ben, just stop,” I say with a brave face and as much confidence as I can gather. And I hate myself for it, because despite leaving him, I’m still scared of him. Scared of the monster lying beneath the surface, the monster who hurt me more than anyone ever did.
“No,” he grunts, stepping forward until his hand brushes my waist. “You’re my wife, Lana, and I will fight for us even if you choose to give up on me.”
“It wasn’t my choice.” I swallow hard. “You beat me. I had to leave to survive. Don’t you understand?” My voice is barely a whisper.
“Bullshit,” he snaps. “You chose not to fight for us. You gave up instead of helping me become a better man.” All the air rushes from my lungs. His words hit harder than any slap ever did. I stare at him, stunned. How can someone rewrite the past so easily, like my pain was a misunderstanding?
“Please go, there’s nothing to talk about anymore. I’ll let Noah know you came.” He’s so close that his disgusting minty cologne spreads all over my blouse. Ben was never supposed to come here. The visitation days had been set up in neutral ground at my sister's house one weekend a month. That was the rule, and he knew it.
